Adversity is tough to deal with when we’re very strong.  It can feel overwhelming when we’re weak and vulnerable.  Eleven days ago I received news that made me thankful that I had built-up a strong reserve of internal strength.

My mission is to give people the tools to develop their own internal strength – mentally, spiritually and physically – so that they’ll be able to live the best lives possible each and every day.

If I haven’t said this lately, if I had to choose one of the three – and I don’t – it would be spiritual strength.

The knowledge that God exists and is dwelling within our minds and spirits is the strongest support that we can have in dealing with our every day realities. It is my faith that gives me the power to remain strong and focused during my life’s challenging times.

Having strong mental health means creating and maintaining a positive, efficacious  mind. It means that you’ve intentionally built a very strong self-image and are great at noticing each of the strong qualities in the people around you.

Maintaining a healthy body provides a peaceful home in which our minds and spirits can dwell for as many days as we’re fortunate enough to live.

With positive minds, healthy bodies and the spirit of God alive and well in our being, we’re positioning ourselves to be constructive souls across the planet. We’re also better prepared to try and understand our setbacks and the setbacks of those around us.

On December 3rd, I started receiving news from people around me that I love which made me thankful for God and my internal strength: my great friend Tracy from high school called me that day to tell me that his sister, my 47 year old friend and first girlfriend, Leah, had succumbed to breast cancer. Leah was happily married and the mother of two beautiful children. She was part of a loving family who welcomed me into their world when I was 15 years old and kept me there in their minds forever. Although Leah and I dated for only about a year, she has maintained a place in my mind and heart and will be there forever. She gave me her gift that will last a lifetime.

You and I have the ability to positively, negatively or neutrally impact each person  we touch throughout our lives.  It’s not the length of time we’re with someone, it’s the impact we have during the time that we’re given. Leah was very high-impact.

When Tracy called me to tell me of his sister’s death, I had just returned home from a 3-day business trip and was scurrying around trying to play catch-up.  At that instant, all of the very important things that I had planned for that day suddenly seemed very unimportant.  As I was listening to Tracy speak, in the back of my mind I knew that I was leaving the following morning on a 6AM flight for another 4-day trip.  I was petrified that I would be out of town during the wake and funeral. Tracy, Leah and the entire family are all very dear to me.

Leah’s funeral was held last Saturday, December 12th.  She was all I could think of that morning at home and at the gym.  I left the gym at 8:40 to make sure that I arrived at the church early.  My brand new car doesn’t have GPS and I made every possible wrong turn imaginable. Was my mind elsewhere?  Yes.  Instead of arriving between 9:15 and 9:30 for the 10AM funeral and relaxing in the parking lot, I pulled into the parking lot perspiring at about 9:50.

My compassionate friend Tracy came out into the 19 degree parking lot without a jacket, scarf or hat to greet his old friend. After signing the guest book at the back of the church and winding around the perimeter of the church in a long line of people, I found myself at the side entrance to the church which is at its’ front. The hallways, choir loft and church were filled with family and friends and every seat and space appeared to be full with the exception of the front 2 pews which were reserved for the family. I did not want to miss a single word of this service!  Out of desperation, I asked an usher if she had any suggestions where one person could sit. She turned around and pointed to a single seat just to the right of the pulpit. Am I lucky or had that exact seat been reserved for me by someone very special?

I was thankful to be seated on time prior to the arrival of the family into the church.  Once the family was seated, I realized that I had a direct line of view to Leah’s mom and dad, so I knew that I couldn’t look in that direction unless I wanted to break down uncontrollably. I’ve loved her parents for almost 35 years and couldn’t imagine the sadness that they were feeling if I was feeling despair and emptiness over a person I hadn’t even seen in 14 years. The last time that I saw Leah was at my Dad’s wake.

Leah’s beautiful sister Heidi spoke on behalf of the family.  Heidi looked me right in the eyes and gave me a big, radiant smile as she climbed the steps into the pulpit. Heidi then gave an uplifting message of joy as she spoke to Leah’s husband, children, parents, brothers, family, neighbors and friends.  Heidi wasn’t speaking to have us feel sorry or sad, she spoke to remind us how Leah lived – with smiles, light and humor and to invite us to do the same. She was a very bright light in the world who loved her family, friends, strangers and God.

The Episcopal minister was phenomenal!  It was easy for her to speak because she really knew Leah and journeyed with her during her  two-year sickness. She spoke of Leah’s concern that her children knew that she hadn’t given up on them.  Leah loved in life and she loved at the time of her death. She knew that it was time for her to leave her family and friends and to go to God. She was at peace with her awareness.  Her faith had kept her strong in spirit.

After the 55 minute service, I waited in a 30-minute line in order to get into the church hall for the reception. There was no way I could leave without seeing the family that I’ve loved so much for such a long time.  When I finally saw Leah’s mom, she gave me what might be the best hug that I’ve ever had.  The barely 5-foot woman hugged me with tremendous strength and held on to me for what must’ve been 60 seconds. Neither one of us wanted to let go.

I’ve maintained my friendship with Tracy over the years and had dinner with him on November 17th. As always, I inquired about Leah, his Mom and Dad and the rest of his family. Neither one of us knew at that time that Leah would be leaving us this soon.  We never really know when will be the last time that we’ll see, talk with, hug or kiss someone.

Wakes and funerals are always tremendous reminders for me to do those things today. I’m sure that’s what Og Mandino meant when we wrote in his book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, “I will live this day as if it is my last”.   What would I say to you if this were my last day with you?  How would I hug you?  How would I kiss you?  How would I treat you?

My life has been filled with one blessing after another. In my life today is a fantastic wife of 25 years, two phenomenal children, a loving, generous mother, two great brothers, a caring sister, numerous cousins, uncles and aunts and many dear and great friends. Each one is irreplaceable.

I felt a sense of tremendous loss when my father and mentor died 14 years ago.  I’m feeling a very similar sense of loss today over the loss of Leah. I’ve come to realize that there wouldn’t be any feeling of loss if that individual had not given so deeply of themselves to me. This knowledge allows me to be unbelievably thankful for the special time that I did have with them.  Those are the thoughts and memories that will remain with me forever.

Special people provide us with something unique that can only be given to us by them. It’s the thought of his love, her smile, his hug, her giggle, his voice or her humor that brings smiles to our faces and stirs happy memories inside.  To say that each of us is  unique is an understatement of great magnitude.  When you and I give our unique gifts to the world every day with such effort that we drop into our beds each night with nothing left to give, it’s a tremendous feeling of knowing that you’ve given all that you could to the world.  It’s a feeling that although we were not perfect, we did the absolute best that we could in everything that we did.

Each night before falling asleep I review the activities of the day and ask myself that exact question: Did I do the best that I possibly could in every circumstance throughout this day?  When the answer is yes, I’m at peace.  If the answer is no, I’ve already begun my list for tomorrow.

Only you can provide the unique gift of yourself to the world.  Your smile is unique. Your eyes are unique.  Your voice is unique.  Your spirit is unique.  You are you-nique!  Please don’t hold back. We need you to share yourself with us – today.

You cannot be replaced.

Your job can be filled.

There is no one or thing that can ever replace you.

You are truly special.

I miss you Dad.  I miss you Leah.  I’m looking forward to seeing both of you in heaven.

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Do you purchase a car because of its’ curb appeal and sleek exterior or do you purchase based upon what’s underneath the hood?

Because I’ve had my own business since 1999, I’ve been leasing my cars since that time. My accountant advised me 11 years ago that it made more sense from a tax standpoint for business owners to lease rather than purchase.

After taking my wife to lunch on Saturday, I asked her if she’d like to join me in taking a look at the Volkswagen CC at a dealership that’s close to our house. I thought I should start looking because my current lease expires at the end of February and I was quickly approaching the mileage allowance on the existing car. In just 60 more miles, I’d begin paying $.25 per mile for every mile driven until February.

When we pulled up to the front door and took the key out of the ignition, Carolyn didn’t budge from her car seat.  I asked her if she was coming in with me to give me her opinion on the car and to keep me company. That’s my idea of a romantic Saturday afternoon after 25 years of marriage! She responded sheepishly with “no thanks, I’ll just wait here for you”. Even though she’s been married to a salesperson since 1984, salespeople still make her so uncomfortable that she’d rather sit in our car alone than have to deal with their sales tactics and insincerity.

After a few words of encouragement from my best “Mr. Suave impression”, she finally agreed to venture inside the lion’s den. I hadn’t yet finished closing her car door when one of the lions came out licking his lips like we were deer. I don’t know who was more uncomfortable, Carolyn or Kevin, our VW salesperson.

It’s not just Carolyn and Kevin.  Most salespeople are uncomfortable calling or approaching prospects/customers and most people feel uncomfortable dealing with any kind of salespeople.

After Kevin’s over the top but nice hello, he opened the door to invite us into the showroom where right inside the door were 10 other lions hanging around waiting for their next deer: with nothing to do but slurp coffee and consume whole donuts in a single bite. The testosterone-filled room of trained killers was making Carolyn even more uncomfortable.

As Kevin asked us to sit so he could ask us several questions, I think Carolyn felt we were being offered poisoned apples from the Queen like Snow White: she was sure “come here my pretty” was the next line out of Kevin’s mouth.

I told him the truth as I always do. I still had 4 more lease payments to make and my current lease didn’t expire until March 1st.  The only reason that we had stopped by that day was to take a look at a car that had caused me to rubberneck a couple of times within the last 30 days or so. I wanted to get an idea of whether or not the VW CC should be on my list of possible cars.  I already like the exterior. I wanted a chance to see what the inside looked like.

We went out to the lot to take a look at what they had in stock. Because I drive in 3-4 rental cars per month, I wasn’t even interested in test-driving the car. I was pretty confident that a Volkswagen would handle very well.  Upon their insistence (it’s part of their sales process), I agreed to take one out for a quick test-drive. I didn’t feel any different about the car after doing so, but they were happy that I had.

When we returned from the test drive, Kevin asked one of the sales managers to talk with us about our options – lease, purchase, etc.  At this point, Carolyn was trying to hide within the confines of the chair as her scrawny 148-pound husband was being pounced upon simultaneously by multiple lions.  Though they were really very nice, Carolyn already had her mind set into thinking that this and all car purchases should be bad experiences. I was pretty confident that this would be a good experience whether we decided to buy a car or not.

We always get what we expect!

Carolyn was so uncomfortable as I was mulling over the lease versus buy options that she left the showroom again seeking shelter within the car we came in.  Because I genuinely liked the car I had test-driven, the salespeople were good, and the price was great, I was strongly considering getting this action item checked off my “to-do” list while I was here.  After a little positive pressure from the sales guys and a little thought, I decided that this would be a good deal for everyone concerned.

Kevin said that he would process the paperwork, work with the insurance company and registry of motor vehicles, have the car serviced and detailed and have it ready for me to pick up Monday afternoon.  Even with the sale done, I wasn’t completely confident that the car would be ready on Monday and I had to be certain that if I returned my lease on Monday, the new car would be ready so that I could get to a speaking engagement early on Tuesday morning.

On Monday, Kevin sent me a text message saying that the car would be ready to be picked-up between 2 and 4PM.  Carolyn dropped me off and barely slowed-down enough to push me out of her car prior to speeding away from the scary zone. I think she thought that if she actually stopped the car completely, Kevin or one of the other lions would coerce her into buying a car against her will!

Kevin greeted me with a sincere smile, handed me the keys and quickly guided me through the owner’s manual prior to escorting me out to the perfectly detailed car. He continued respectfully calling me “Sir” throughout the entire process as he patiently familiarized me with the car.  It was only at this point did I realize that I could be old enough to be his father.

When he had finished showing the old man how to use all of the electronic gadgets and was still seated in the front passenger seat, he leaned towards me enough to pull something out of his right coat pocket.  It was a white paperback book with red ink lettering on the cover.  The title was, The Greatest Salesman In The World.  Kevin said, “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of this book, but I read a chapter each day  in order to……”.

I responded very quickly while he was still in mid-sentence because I was so excited saying, “Kevin, not only have I read this book, but I’ve internalized each of the 10 concepts for success in life into my mind.”  “I’ve given motivational talks around the world based upon the concepts in this exact book. In addition, I’ve read every word ever written by one of the best inspirational, motivational, Christian self-help authors in the world – Og Mandino.” “He has been inspiring me to new levels of success since one of my sales managers gave me that exact book in 1990”.  We both smiled at each other about how much we had in common.

Although I was pretty confident in my decision that purchasing this car was the right thing to do, there was still a little apprehension in my head over the weekend about buying the first car that I looked at from the first salesperson at the first dealer that I visited.  I had also been wondering whether it made sense to buy a new car when I still had 4 hefty lease payments to make on a car that I would be turning in 4 months early.

When Kevin pulled that book out of his pocket, I had received a sign from God that I had absolutely purchased the perfect car at the perfect time at the perfect den from the perfect lion. And, for Carolyn, it showed that no seven dwarves were needed to rescue us (though I’m sure she’d say “this time”)!

Although I never cared to look under the Volkswagen’s hood, I was fortunate to glimpse what was underneath Kevin’s.  He’s put into action the concepts that he has disciplined himself to read on a daily basis.

All people are good underneath the hood.  It’s our job to see what’s beneath the rust, grease, dents, dings and cracks that are visible on the exterior.

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Ethics + Sales = Success, even when you don’t think they do.  After graduating from a state university with about a 2.5 grade point average in business (marketing), one of the jobs that was readily available to me via our placement office was in the world of sales.  Although my childhood desire was not to grow up to be a salesperson, I did grow up with a fantastic father who sold Yellow Pages advertising for his entire career.  If the sales profession was good enough for my ethical Dad, his success was absolutely good enough for me!

Very early into my inside sales job with a small high-tech start-up company, I realized that people don’t always treat salespeople very well – especially those salespeople who are making cold calls! I also realized that some companies and some managers might condone tactics and strategies that did not fit my value system.

So, how was I able to align the stereotypical salesperson persona – fast-talking, slick, insincere, unethical – with my very strong values and integrity-based, Catholic upbringing?

My initial assistance came from my first business mentor on the planet – my Dad.  He was always one of the top producing salespeople at the telephone company and he personified the exact opposite traits of the salesperson that I mentioned above. My Dad was a slow-talking, smooth, sincere, meticulous and ethical individual.  I knew that if my Dad was able to have a very long successful career in this profession by displaying those traits, I was probably going to be okay too.

The next major milestone came in the late 1980’s when I was working for a $700M high tech company based in Irvine, CA.  My new sales manager bought me a book to read that changed my life.  He gave me a small paperback sales book called, The Greatest Salesman in The World, by Og Mandino.

At that point in my life, I was not a big reader but I proceeded to crack the book to learn more about sales tactics and strategies.  Instead of entering a world of sales tactics, I found myself in the middle of an engaging story of a salesman in the Middle East. The story lead up to the finding of ancients scrolls which contained the secrets to success in sales. I quickly found out that the author – Og Mandino (named after St. Augustine) – was an unbelievably talented writer with the ability to take Christian principles and incorporate them into spellbinding stories.

The 10 secrets that were written on the scrolls were explained in great detail with each secret receiving its own dedicated chapter. The reader’s responsibility was to read one chapter, twice a day for several days to allow the information to slowly and permanently enter the mind.  Here are the 10 principles from the scrolls:

Today I begin a new life. I will greet this day with love in my heart. I will persist until I succeed. I am nature’s greatest miracle. I will live this day as if it is my last. Today I will be master of my emotions. Today I will laugh at the world. Today I will multiply my value a hundred times – How will I accomplish this? My dreams are worthless, my plans are dust, my goals are impossible. Who is of so little faith that in a moment of great disaster or heartbreak has not called to his God?

I couldn’t get enough of Og Mandino’s principles for success. After I had consumed that book, I proceed to buy every one of his books and do the same thing until I had completely digested each and every one of his concepts. In case you couldn’t tell from the list, Mandino was not creating a list to assist salespeople with their vocation – he was creating a list of attitudes and habits that are encouraged for success for every person in every vocation.

The most recent gift that I received was when I participated in sales and sales management training from Guru Ganesha Khalsa at Sandler Training. I received that training in January of 1998. Among many other things, this turban wearing, ZZ Top-bearded Guru, let me know that the most important thing that influences our success in sales is our attitude. The Sandler Training concepts that he taught me reinforced the concept that our attitudes are controlled by our feelings about ourselves – mind, body and spirit, – the company that we work for and the marketplace in which we’re selling.

The single-most important component that influences our attitude is our feeling about ourselves – mentally, spiritually andphysically.  This also happens to be the piece over which we have the most control.

Having a strong spiritual component to our lives leads to an internal peace that assists us in all that we do. It allows us to connect with other humans at a significantly deeper level.

Developing a strong, positive mind is essential in manifesting the potential that is inside of us.

Taking care of ourselves physically allows us the stamina and health to be able to live today and each day to the fullest free from disease.

That training impacted me so much that I left my high-tech sales management position at a very successful company that was growing 70% per year to purchase my very own Sandler Training franchise. I spent the next 10 years of my life letting thousands of salespeople, sales managers, sales engineers and executives around the world know that not only is it possible to be tremendously successful in sales when acting with honesty, integrity, ethics and spiritual values but, there is no better way of doing it!

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In February 2008, I was asked to give a 60-minute keynote on the topic of Success to a group of about 300 experts in the field of sales and management. During the talk, I spoke about my favorite topic – healthy, happy, vibrant humans. We know that our health (our being) is really just one thing that we try to break down into 3 separate components: mental health, physical health and spiritual health.

In order to keep myself healthy, one of ways that I do it is by reading uplifting books. The author that was most instrumental in inspiring me in the 80’s and 90’s was Og Mandino. His words have infiltrated my mind, my body and my soul and will be there for ever. Og had the gift of being able to take Christian concepts (he was named after St. Augustine) and build them into stories that were so good that I didn’t want to put the book down. Although I enjoyed every word ever written by him, I was always sad when I had completed the book because I wanted it to go on forever!

Since Og’s death, I’ve been eagerly seeking an author to fill the void that was created. During my keynote, I asked the audience to give me recommendations of books and authors that they liked and have found to be inspirational with the hope that at least one of them would resonate with me. I didn’t receive too many responses. I think that I got one or two partially hand-written on a scrap piece of paper with a title but no author or vice versa.

About two weeks after I gave the talk, I received a delivery at my office via FedEx. When ever FedEx shows up with a box that I’m not expecting, I’m like a little child on Christmas morning. I can’t wait to pull the rip-cord on the side of the box and open it to find out what treasure awaits inside. I was thinking to myself that whatever was on the inside “must be something very special that someone wanted me to receive very quickly”.

When I tipped the box on its side, out popped a book with a man’s picture on the front. The man was smiling and looking at a butterfly that he was holding in his right hand. The title of the book was Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. On the inside cover of the book was a hand-written note: Dear Bob, Based on your February talk, I feel these pages can be of more support. Best wishes, John & Julie Moore.

The only thing better than receiving a book that has touched the life of another person is receiving one with a meaningful, heartfelt inscription!

At the time that I asked for and received the book, I was juggling two full-time roles at work and considered myself too busy to read the book. So, I put the gift on the shelf to enjoy at a later time.

I had asked for a gift. I had received the gift. I deliberately ignored the gift. How often do we receive gifts, knowledge, wisdom or advice that can help us today that we choose NOT to utilize at the present moment? How could I possibly ignore a book that had been sent via FedEx?

What would have happened had I chosen to read the book as soon as I received it? What would happen if we used all of the gifts that we received at birth?

After working frantically for the next 13 months, I made a major decision to transition out of the field that I’d been working in since getting out of college in 1983 and to pursue a passion that was first inspired during the reading of the works of Og Mandino.

On March 31, 2008 I was overwhelmed with 2 jobs. On April 1, 2008 (April Fool’s Day- What a great day to start a new career!)- my first day after resigning – I had all of the time in the world. One of my first priorities prior to diving into my new career was to “get my head on straight”.

For some reason, the book that I had put on the bookshelf in my library 13 months prior seemed to fly off the shelf and into my hands. Maybe it was the butterfly on the cover who magically delivered the book into my lap?

I cracked open the book and began reading and turning page after page. The author’s style and words were inspiring and soothing. His words were fueling the fire that already burned within me to manifest all of my God-given gifts to the fullest. One of the highlighted sections in the book that was very pertinent to me at this stage of my life was “Don’t die wondering!”

Towards the end of the book, Dr. Dyer writes about a friend of his named “Jack” who was a minister in Detroit. Jack was very fond of monarch butterflies so, Wayne gave him a beautiful paperweight as a gift which contained a monarch butterfly that he had found in perfect condition.

On the day Dr. Dyer completed a chapter in the book that he was working on at the time, he found out that his friend Jack had passed away. One of the many lessons that Jack had taught Dr. Dyer was to always “be in a state of gratitude”. Jack always ended every sermon with a message to God: “Thank You, thank You, thank You.”

After finishing writing chapter 17 of the book, Dr. Dyer repeated the words of his friend Jack: “Thank You, thank You, thank You.” At that moment a monarch butterfly landed on Wayne and stayed with him for two and half hours! Jack had arrived to visit his good friend Wayne and let him know that everything is okay.

During the one to two week period that I read Inspiration, there was a beautiful yellow butterfly that graced my back yard and deck area that I could see from my kitchen as I enjoyed each meal of the day. Was it Wayne’s minister friend Jack letting me know that he was keeping an eye on me from heaven? Was it Jack reminding me to always “be in a state of gratitude”? Was it Wayne and Jack sending me a message to be certain that I Don’t die wondering? Was it God working through Wayne, Jack and the butterfly?

I know that I’m exceptionally grateful to John and Julie Moore for passing on the gift of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer to me. I completed his latest book Excuses Begone last Friday and felt the way that I used to when completing an Og Mandino book. I enjoyed Excuses Begone every bit as much as I did Inspiration.

Ask and you shall receive (via Fed-ex). Thank you, thank You, thank You!