Over the last few days, perhaps like you, I’ve heard from many family members, friends and followers. While some people shared good tidings, it’s clearly a time of year when many of us are taking stock of our relationships. As much as holidays are meant for us to celebrate, inevitably they also cause us to reflect on the state of our lives. Each gathering brings memories and perhaps evokes visions of what we think our lives should be.

Several people who reached out to me shared very emotional thoughts; revealing anger, sadness or remorse over the loss of a loved one, an estrangement or simply a conflict that doesn’t seem to be resolvable.  You can read some of these in my comments section.

People are in tears over their inability to hug, kiss or talk with a person that they loved. For those dealing with a death, it doesn’t seem to matter whether the loss was predictable given their loved one’s condition, or completely unexpected. The people “left behind” are spending sleepless nights, questioning themselves about what might have been. Many are crying nearly uncontrollably, with an emotional hole in their hearts.

In addition to those suffering “real” loss, I’ve spoken with many other people who are not participating in holiday events – parties, dinners, worship – because of tension between family members. This is another kind of loss, and it’s fundamentally more difficult to comprehend.

This second type of emotional pain also doesn’t seem to be connected to whether the tension was predictable given the history of the relationship, or a fracture that came from a single event. Sometimes the argument started over money. For some, it’s about how-to-care for a parent. For still others, the struggle is over the inability to exchange material gifts of equal value with family members. It seems logically impossible, but many people don’t even know why they’re not speaking with the other person. Maybe there was a series of small schisms that were never addressed, and therefore never healed. Lastly, some anger just wells up and we can’t frame it in order to express it, even to ourselves.

In any case, loss is loss. In my experience, the feelings of losing someone to death are very similar to the loss of an important relationship with someone who is still living on earth.

Bad feelings happen. I don’t think that most people intentionally hurt others. On any day in a myriad of ways, even people of great integrity and intention somehow manage to hurt those we love the most.

Is there a lesson for people who are angry with a loved one, to learn from people who are grieving the death of a loved one?

Would it help if I could bring these two groups of people together? If I were able to get them into the same room, would those who’ve lost a loved one to death, be able to convince those who are suffering from tension with a family or friend forgive, forget and love again?

I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty good and strong person. My Dad had impressed upon me the quality of “being the bigger person” and apologizing to another with the hope of returning to peace. He was right then and he still is.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. – Mahatma Ghandi

I learned that quote a little over a year ago. It felt like a nurturing slap in the face when I heard it. It got me thinking, “Are there any people on the planet who need my forgiveness or who are waiting for an apology from me?” Wouldn’t it be great to go through the rest of my life without any anger, envy or resentment in my life? Wouldn’t it be phenomenal to have this person (or these people) back in my life where he belongs?  I liked those ideas a lot.  All of my ideas seem to be good ones!

At that point, I made a list of the people in my life who had distanced themselves from me, and people toward whom I harbored some sort of anger or resentment.  One by one, I picked-up the phone and either had a conversation or set a time to meet with that person.  What were the objectives? I wanted to either apologize and be forgiven by that person if I’d hurt them, or to say “I forgive you” to someone who had hurt me.

I’m sorry. I apologize. I love you. I forgive you.

I think I did something that caused you to feel hurt. I’ve given it a lot of thought but I’m not sure what I did. Will you please help me understand what it was, so I can apologize and do my best not make the same mistake again?

You are really important to me. I feel a hole in my life that’s created by your absence. My hope is once you receive my apology or if it’s appropriate, I receive yours, we each feel forgiveness, and move on to a life filled with love and laughter.

When you or I have done every thing within our power to bring peace to a relationship, it gives us a feeling of serenity.  We control how we think and how we act. We do not control how others respond. Just because we forgive, apologize or extend our hand in friendship, there’s no guarantee another person is in a place to act similarly. This was an important lesson in maturity for me.  Just because I’m ready to love and have peace in my life, it doesn’t mean that the other person is there yet.  When this happens, I’m now prepared to flex my understanding muscle and let the other person know that I’ll be ready to speak, meet and reconcile whenever they’re ready.  What a great feeling!

Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned. -Gautama Buddha

No one wants to receive coal on Christmas or any other day.  Drop each of your hot coals and watch them dissipate and cool off.

The same thing happens with anger, hostility and resentment when we drop them and replace them with love.  The afflictive emotions that cause us to frown, go away.

They are replaced with love and joy, which cause us to smile in peace.

About a month ago, I found out that one of the two priests from our parish was in the hospital. This particular priest is not just any priest to me.  This priest is Fr. Ouellette.

Fr. Ouellette was one of the many priests at my parish when I was a young boy.  Way back then, daily mass was said several times per day at our church and altar boys were assigned to serve at each mass.  I served with Fr. Ouellette many times at these daily masses, for funerals during the school week and at weddings over the weekend. He always treated me – any everyone else -  like gold. He was one of the most appreciative people that I’ve ever known. He taught me how to show sincere appreciation for the smallest acts of kindness shown by others.

Somewhere around 1973, the Christmas masses were so crowded that we had two midnight masses – one in the beautiful, ornate upper church and a second in the darker, dingier but, just-as-large lower church. On this particular evening, this 12-year old was sick, but still wanted the honor of serving at midnight mass (even though I was relegated to the downstairs dungeon!).  I must’ve been sicker than I thought because I fainted right in the middle of the mass.  This was not just any lazy, quiet, not-get-noticed, graceful faint either.  My entire pudgy body smashed against the kneeler and caused it to crash against the solid marble altar floor with a resounding boom!  My older brother, Bill, and  my Dad rushed up to the altar to carry me into the sacristy as Fr. Ouellette looked-on to make sure that I was okay. Fr. Ouellette followed my Dad and brother into the sacristy to make sure that I was okay before proceeding with mass.  He taught me kindness and compassion.

One of the reasons that he’s been assigned to our parish almost continuously since 1973 is that his dear Mother lived in our city.  The great part of that is that he frequently incorporated stories about his family into his homilies. He wasn’t  a boring priest who spoke in monotone about God,God,God.  He was a human who had a real family. He frequently spoke about real family responsibilities and challenges from first-hand experience. He spoke of each challenge in his life with faith in God and hope and confidence that things would always turn out well. He taught me how to honor and appreciate family-especially when things are not perfect.

The St. Vincent de Paul Society is a group within the Catholic Church that cares for the poor within the parish. Its members collect food and money from the parishioners so that they’ll be able to provide for the poor on a weekly basis throughout the entire year. Fr. Ouellette has always been our biggest ambassador and salesperson. When he speaks about a topic, he never uses notes and always speaks from his heart with tremendous passion.  He doesn’t act like he cares…he cares.  He taught me sincerity and authenticity.

When I went to visit my 83-year old friend a few weeks ago, there were signs all over the door to his hospital room. Disinfect hands before entering. Caution: Infectious matter. Put-on gloves prior to entering. Dispose of gloves before leaving room. Nurses must put on gowns prior to entering. I was afraid to go in.

Once in the room, I saw my friend in bed with visible tubes everywhere  – his nose, mouth and arms.  He was having difficulty breathing. The nurse told me that he’d been unable to eat solid food for three weeks. He looked awful. His mouth was open. His lips were chapped. His arms were badly bruised from all of the the IV’s there were inserted into his veins.  I pulled up a chair and sat next to his bed and began to pray. My mind immediately came to a standstill.  Because of his age, poor health, and the obvious pain that he was in, I wasn’t sure if I was praying for him to recover or for him to die quickly and peacefully.  After a little consideration, I proceeded to pray for about 30 uninterrupted minutes for God’s will and not mine. He was so bad that I expected any one of his gasping breaths to be his last.  I was giving up hope.

All of a sudden, the silence in the room was broken. A chipper nurse entered the room to check on his vital signs. I took that opportunity to step out of the room to give my friend some privacy. From just outside the door, I could hear the nurse wake up Fr. Ouellette and tell him that he had a guest.  When I re-entered the room, he rolled over to face me.  The man who looked like he was ready to breathe his last breath, opened his eyes and said with a top-of-the-mornin’-tone, Hello Bob. I thought that he was about to die and within a matter of a few seconds, he began engaging me in conversation just as he had since 1973. How are you? It’s so good to see you.

Although his body was failing him, his teacher’s mind was as sharp as ever.  He asked me how Virginia (my Mom) was doing.  He told me what a great man Oscar (my Dad) was.  He and my Dad both went to the same high school. He went on to compliment my wife Carolyn and say what a valuable member of the parish she’s always been (not bad for a convert!).  He praised both of my kids (again by name). He then asked me about both of my brothers and sister by name. Because each of my siblings lives out of state, he hasn’t seen any of them in years. His name recollection was better than mine and I was not currently on drugs!

A few minutes ago I was considering praying for this man to die and he’s now speaking to me with his usual compassion and the memory of a teen-ager.  What was I thinking?  God does know better than I do.

Fr. Ouellette never complained (he did mention that he missed having turkey on Thanksgiving) during either of my hospital visits. For his entire life he was grateful and appreciative. He’d been lying in bed for weeks without solid food, without the ability to say mass and his thoughts were on God’s will – not his. His thoughts were on me and my family – not himself.  He always looks out for the well-being of those around him.

That is the exact attitude that he’s been preaching from the pulpit and living in his everyday life since I’ve known him. He has an unwavering faith in God. He has trust in God. He knows that God’s will is better than his. He always talks about the importance of family. He talks about how faithful and generous his parishioners are. He makes the people around him feel good about themselves.  He knows that we all make mistakes but, we can always recover.  He always has us leaning in the right direction – towards the positive, towards the good, towards God. I learned each of these things from him.

That is the type of attitude that has made Fr. Ouellette one of my family’s favorite priests -ever!  When our parish had the luxury of having 5+ priests on staff, we’d never know which priest would be celebrating at any given liturgy.  I can remember family members returning home from church saying with pleasure and thankfulness, it was Fr. Ouellette!  It was like someone had won the lottery.  He was always the gift that was given freely.

At mass last Sunday, another dear friend, Fr. Sannella walked down the center aisle of the church, leaned over, put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, Fr. Ouellette died last night.

Although I was a little sad, a smile came to my face after a few seconds of thought.  His entire life was dedicated and focused on helping people get to where he has now taken up residence. As I said prayers that night, I knew that I was not praying for Fr. Ouellette to get into heaven. He created heaven on earth for himself by living a Christ-like life each and every day.  He brought God’s presence with him wherever he went.  He now has a permanent residence in His Father’s mansion.

A friend’s daughter just walked into the coffee shop where I’m writing today. I told the beautiful 19-year old about Fr. Ouellette. She said with a proud smile, Oh, I love him, he baptized me!

Fr. Ouellette made the world a better place because of his presence: may you and I do the same each and every day.

I was recently asked to speak about a topic that I’ve never given a lot of thought to prior to this request. The subject is guilt.

Here is the definition of guilt according to Wikipedia: Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes — accurately or not — that they have violated a moral standard, and is responsible for that violation.

Within the world of archery, the term “sin” means to be off-target.   I think that we feel the emotion of guilt when we believe in our own minds, hearts and souls that we’re “off-target” for how we believe we should be acting in our every day lives.

Our internal idea of our moral standards has 3 stages…

Stage 1: We’re born with an internal sense of all that is good.

Stage 2: We learn many dos and don’ts and rights and wrongs from our caregivers – parents, grandparents, coaches, teachers, clergy, etc. These may or may not be the ultimate truths but, when we’re young we frequently take these words from our elders as gospel.

Stage 3: I believe that we begin to create for ourselves our true sense of on-target or off-target by combining our internal morality compass with what we’ve learned from our caregivers with information that we’ve learned as adults. When we’re young and impressionable, we’re overloaded with opinions, beliefs and doctrine that are thrown at us by well-meaning individuals. As adults, it’s our responsibility to acquire enough wisdom and knowledge to accurately determine how we choose to run our lives.

Guilt manifests itself when we’re off-target for how we believe we should be running our lives. It also manifests itself when others attempt to make us feel guilty for not complying with their requests.

Let’s deal with the first situation: In this instance, we’re violating our own idea of what’s good enough. One of my suggestions for us to have happy, balanced and guilt-free lives is for us to have goals for every major area of our life: social, spiritual, financial, career, family, education, health, etc.

When we go through the work of deciding what our ideal life would look like if we lived up to our potential in each area, we begin developing an internal vision of a newer, better self. Smiles usually appear on our faces and in our minds when we start thinking about our potential.

In order for us to improve and begin working toward our vision, we will set-up daily activities that will cause improvement in each area. Examples of daily activities that we might develop to help us realize our goals are exercise, prayer, meditation, reading with our children, daily conversation with our significant other and reading.  Once we set the goal for ourselves and tell ourself how often we’d like to participate in this activity, we’re setting up a plan for how we’re choosing to spend out time in the future.  An example might be that we’d like to exercise for 30-minutes per day 5 days per week.   If it’s our goal, as opposed to someone else’s goal being pushed upon us, we should go after the activity with gusto and use language like love to, choose to and want to when describing this idea to ourselves.  Those word choices reinforce the concept that this activity is my idea.  Many of us use language like I have to exercise.  The improved language would be I love exercising! When we tell ourselves that we have to do something, we trying to coerce ourselves into doing something that we really do not want to do.  If you do not want to do something, stop bullying yourself into doing it.

Guilt may rear it’s lovely head when we’ve made a commitment to ourselves to do something and then do not do it.  I refer to that as self-inflicted guilt which is a result of making a commitment to ourselves and then not keeping it.  Another word for this is disappointment.  We had an appointment with ourselves which we did not keep. In this case, guilt can be a very good thing and be a motivator for change because it will cause us to decide whether or not we’d really like to be the type of person that we had in mind when we set the goal.  If so, we can develop our resolve and continue our pursuit of this vision.  If not, we can take the pressure off ourselves because there are very few have-to’s in this life.  Once we understand that there are very few have-to’s and that there are consequences for every one of our actions and non-actions, we get to choose how we’d like to live our lives – guilt-free.  You’re worthy of an ideal life.  You get to decide what ideal means to you.

Are we more likely to make and keep commitments to ourselves or to others?  When I ask this question in front of a group, the majority of people admit that they are more likely to make and keep commitments to others than to themselves.  Does that mean that we love others more than we love ourselves?  Please give that question careful consideration.

The affirmation that I developed for myself that you’re welcome to borrow is, “I make commitments to myself and keep them because I love myself as much as I love others.”  I chose to develop that affirmation because I was guilty of keeping commitments made to others but, would break commitments that I had made to myself.

Once you’ve set goals for your life, you’ll find that your calendar becomes very full of activities that are related to your ideal life.  When your calendar is genuinely full of activities related to your goals and others ask you to do something in a time slot that you’ve already committed, it makes it very easy to politely say, “I’m sorry that I cannot attend (or help or assist or volunteer) because I have another commitment on that date and time.”  There is no guilt because you DO have another commitment!

It’s very easy to say no to another person when we have another commitment. I’ve noticed that guilt sometimes comes from saying no to a request from another when we don’t have anything else that we’re supposed to be doing.  In those cases, guilt surfaces because of a fabrication (sometimes called a lie). That is another good reason for self-inflicted guilt.

Guilt may also surface because of our feelings of being over responsible. Although you and I contribute greatly to the happiness of others, it is not our responsibility to make others happy. Happiness is the responsibility of each person. Anyone who has ever tried to make someone else happy knows that this is an impossible task. Happiness is a choice. Because we cannot physically be in two places at the same time, we’re required to choose.

Sometimes others try to cause us to feel guilty when a task is not done by us the right way. Maturation allows us to know that there are many right ways of doing something and there is no one right way. You realize that you’re a smart and creative person who may have figured out another right way of accomplishing a goal with the same or better end-result.

Around the holiday season, we sometimes feel guilty for our inability to purchase everything that our children would like to receive.  Holy Days are not about material gifts.  Gift-giving is a secular concept that has somehow replaced the original Holy Day with a secular holiday.  As an example, Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ  and is reminder of His birth and His promise to return to earth again. It’s that reminder that  is supposed to cause us to conduct a self-assessment of how we’re living our lives versus how we’ve been called to live them.  It’s a wonderful time for loving, serving, praying, worshiping and renewing our relationship with God and others.  We can really show our love for others in ways that have much more meaning than material gift giving.

In Rick Warren’s book, The Purpose Driven Life, he tells us that we can spell and live the word love, t-i-m-e.   If we want to communicate our love to the people that we truly do love, we can give them our most precious gift – time.

When we give others the gift of our time, love and conversation, we’re giving them a gift that always fits and will never have to be returned.

When guilt is self-inflicted, we understand that we’re off-target based upon our idea of how good we’d like to be.  This is a great time to reset our internal compasses.

When guilt is thrown at us from others, you can gracefully reject the feelings and emotions that are being thrown your way. No one can make you feel guilty without your consent.

You and I either have a purpose, plan or cause or we become part of someone else’s.

Live life with intention and absence of guilt.

Signs of God’s love are everywhere when we choose to pay attention to them. There are opportunities for us to give love and receive love every single day. Smiles come to our faces as our prayers are answered in the funniest ways. It’s our responsibility to be aware of those opportunities.

I communicated last week with a friend (I’ll call her Faith) who is deeply involved with her church.  Her ministry is dedicated to serving the youth within her parish.  After ten+ years of working with them, she was wondering if it was time to move on.  In her words she said to herself, “I’m just not feeling it right now!”  She went on to say in her prayer to God, “I don’t think that I’m making a difference in their lives.  If you still want me to continue in this ministry, I’d appreciate some kind of sign”.

Faith went to the church that day to do some work and noticed a letter in her mail box.  She figured that it would be a letter from someone complaining about something.  What she found was a beautiful letter thanking her for her courageous and loving work for others within her ministry.  The envelope also contained a crisp $50 bill with instructions to “prayerfully use it where you see best in your work”.  The letter was mysteriously signed, A Friend.

Faith smiled to herself and said, “Good one, Lord.  You really know how to answer my prayers and give me a good slap on the head at the same time!”

After leaving the church filled with the love of God in her heart, Faith headed to the post office to mail a few letters. She accidentally missed the post office closest to her home and found herself driving toward the main post office downtown which is about 2 miles further from her home.

When Faith got into the post office parking lot, she noticed a van with fluorescent pieces of poster board taped to it with sayings written on them in black magic marker such as, “Free food. Feeding all families in need. Evangelical Ministries”.  Another read: “Love one another as I have loved you, says the Lord, Jesus Christ.”

A couple of seconds after noticing the van, a man got out of the driver’s side who looked very discouraged and worn down.  For some reason, Faith waived at the man and he approached her. Faith then said to the man, “Excuse me, but I think I’m supposed to give this to you.”  Faith handed the stranger the $50 bill.

The man (let’s call him Bill) went on to tell Faith that he was called into the ministry of feeding and worshiping with the hungry.  He lines up tables filled with food in the center of town each Saturday and feeds people while they pray together.  Because times have been so tough lately, he’s found the ministry’s finances so tight that he was unable to pay the rent on the van.  On that day, he got down on his knees and prayed, “Lord, You’ve called us to this ministry and You’ve always provided what we need to do Your work. But Lord, You know we have to rent this van to collect and distribute this food. And, Lord, we don’t have the $50 to pay for the van this week. I’m asking you to provide what we need.”

Faith and Bill  proceeded to pray with and for each other right smack center of the post office parking lot.  In addition to praying for each other’s ministry, they prayed that each would continue to have faith that God will always provide whatever they need to fulfill the ministries that He’s called them to.

Faith realized that when she was questioning her ministry, she was asking herself lots of  I and Me questions:  “ Am I still….?”,  “Is it good for me…?”  She noticed to herself that whenever our thoughts are focused on “I” or “me”, our thoughts drown out God’s thoughts.

Faith’s prayers were answered by God in the form of a hand-written letter, receipt of a $50 bill and prayers from Rev. Bill.

Rev. Bill’s prayers were answered by God in the form of kindness, prayer and a $50 bill from Faith.

Faith will allow us to pay the Bills.

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Fearful.  Lacking in trust. Worried. Who experiences these feelings?

The homeless | The middle class | The upper class

These feelings exist in the void that is created when we distance ourselves from God. To be even more specific, these feelings manifest themselves when God’s words of trust and love are not on the top of our minds and tips of our tongues and when God’s spirit is not running through our veins.  The God gap gets filled-in with fear, worry, mistrust and other destructive emotions.

We can be good without God in our minds and spirit in our soul. My mission is to let every person in the world know how the invitation of God into our minds and souls will take us from simply good to great.

When it’s cold outside, we rush toward the heat of a fireplace, space heater or warm room.

When it’s late at night and we’re alone in an area that appears to be dangerous, we scamper as quickly as possible to the safety of our automobiles.

When we or someone from our family is in trouble, we rush back to the security of the outstretched arms of our loved ones.

We’re always seeking something outside of us when all of the everlasting answers come from our divinity within.

There are plenty of things in the material world to worry about- financial security (money), job security, war (personal security), security in personal relationships, etc. These are the realities that we’re dealing with on a daily basis.

Is it possible to eliminate our fear, distrust and worry? Yes, but it takes diligence and commitment on our part.

The answer to our insecurity is to invite God’s security into our being. It’s a transformation from in-secure to secure-in.

I spoke with a business friend yesterday who I had the pleasure of meeting within the last year.  When we met, he was participating in a program that I was delivering for his company. During each of the two days of training, he and I ran-into each other in the hotel gym at about 5AM each morning. Because we were both working in a location outside of our home time zones, I was impressed with his commitment to his health routine.

I conducted another program for his company in October at a hotel in another different time zone.  Any guess who I saw at the gym at 5AM that morning?  Yes, he’s still committed to his exercise habit and still looking exceptionally healthy.

During our telephone conversation, I learned that in the very short period of time at his new company, he’s become one of the top producers . I also learned that this very healthy, top-of-the class performer is worried about his job, his relationship with his manager, his relationship with his wife and his uncertain future.

At the end of our conversation, he asked me if during our next conversation we could discuss any ideas that I might have to help him with the distrust, fear and worry challenges that he’s facing.  I didn’t know when or if we were going to speak again and this was way too important to let go so, I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer and dug down deep to figure out how to broach this subject.

I asked him a question that doesn’t tend to come up in most people’s every day conversations.  “Are you a person of faith?”, was my question.

I could hear a lot of myself and some of my other friends in his response.  He said, “My mother raised me Catholic and sent me to Catholic school. For various reasons,  it’s currently not a big part of my life.”

His various reasons were very real and very common:

• Disgust over the sexual scandal within the Catholic Church
• Frustration with local parish priests that are old, aren’t that charismatic, who don’t inspire and who don’t resonate as well with his young daughters
• Felt a little “out-of-touch” with the larger, non-denominational Christian Churches they had visited

He then said something else that I hear frequently.  “I live within driving distance of a beautiful mountain range. Can’t I just go out and pray or meditate or read scripture in the beauty of nature?”  The answer is yes.  We can pray and meditate and read scripture anywhere. But, unless we’re intentional about it, most of us don’t make it part of our daily practice – part of our routine.

I shared with my friend that my faith is the foundation that allows me to remain serene (most of the time) while dealing with life’s typical trials – money, relationship issues, family problems, unresponsive customers and prospects, worries about war and the economy, etc.

Faith that God is with us every second of every day in each of your thoughts and actions allows us to effectively  stay in a place of love, patience and kindness when what’s going on outside is anything but.  This deep-rooted faith is a result of inviting God to be a part of our entire life – the good, the bad, the happy, the sad.

Faith allows us to know that there isn’t any financial, relationship, career or any other problem that is too big for the combined consciousness of you and God.

One of the lines from scripture that recently touched me enough to write down on a 3 X 5 index card and carry with me so that I can memorize is, “Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.”

Promises like this from the God that I know and love provide me with tremendous amounts of stamina, endurance and patience when things get tough.

Hearing words like this is good.

Writing them down to help reinforce them is better.

Internalizing them so that they are a part of who you are is best.

Because my friend had a fundamental knowledge of his faith, my few sentences of encouragement offered in response to his question were well received.

I then offered a suggestion that also made sense to him.  Make your relationship with God – the divinity within you -  a part of your daily life the way that you make your health part of your routine. I mentioned to him that I had purchased a 20-minute per day Bible that gives me the ability to read the Bible in its’ entirety within 365 days.  He quickly embraced the idea because he knows that he – like every person on the planet – has at least 20 minutes per day to allocate to something that he thinks is important.

He quickly asked me if he could purchase one at BarnesandNoble.com. I said “yes” unless, you’d prefer to buy one today from a local retail store. He’s going to welcome the word of God into his life on a daily basis starting today. I think that his plan is to allocate about 20-30 minutes before or after his exercise routine.

The key word is routine.  Relationships that we care about require daily nurturing.

When these words become imprinted in his mind, I know that over time his feelings of worry, fear and mistrust will melt away and be transformed into God-like feelings of love, understanding, trust and compassion.

Love God, love yourself and it becomes very easy to love others.

Trust God, trust yourself and it becomes very easy to trust others.

Develop Faith in God, faith in yourself that’s in alignment with God and it becomes easy to have faith in and expect the best from others.

Conscious of God, Conscious of divinity within, Conscious of divinity within others.

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I was working in London last week and returned to Massachusetts just in time to learn that President Barack Obama had won the Nobel Peace Prize.

My initial thoughts were “Wow, isn’t that fantastic! He’s only 48 years old, he’s the first African American U.S. President and now he’s won the Nobel Peace Price within his first year in office!  How inspiring is that.  Isn’t it incredible the impact one person can have on the planet.”

Whenever I see people doing great things in the world, I try to imagine myself doing similar things.  Do I have the potential to do what he or she doing?  What traits or qualities or characteristics would I need to develop in myself if I chose to accomplish similar achievements? If I were in her shoes would I have done as well?

Soon after I heard what I thought was good news, I jumped on a conference call and I realized from a friend that the news wasn’t being received as positively by everyone.

This made me think: what were some of the reasons given by selection committee for selecting President Obama?

• For his vision of a world without nuclear weapons.
• For creating a new climate in international politics.
• For his effort at multilateral diplomacy.
• For dialogue and negotiations.
• They recognized major changes in how the United States was working internationally.

President Obama was recognized because he’s creating an environment in the world where it’s no longer an “us” versus “them” mentality.  Part of what we’re seeing from our new President is that there is no “them” anymore.  We are one small world.

Our world is made up of many faiths – not just one faith.  We’re a world that is made up of drastically different socioeconomic regions. We’re seeing the United States take a position of real leadership that shows respect for diversity.  We’re seeing a desire for intelligent conversation and communication that will lead to a broader respect and mutual understanding of all people. We’re looking out for the welfare of all people – not just U.S. citizens. We’ve been way too selfish and way too U.S. centric.

One of the things that I know for certain about leadership is that great leaders create a strong and clear vision that people can buy into. They create a vision in which people know that it’s their responsibility to contribute toward solving the problems.

Not only has President Obama created a strong vision for the people of the United States to buy into, he has created a vision that people around the entire world have bought into.  That’s why he’s being acknowledged.  Yes it’s for his intention.  I will acknowledge you for your good intentions too.

It’s our thoughts (intentions) that will trigger the future thoughts and creativity and energy and actions that will lead to the results that we can envision. Without the vision and intent, nothing changes. That’s why thought leaders are so valuable. The get an idea and then get the masses to buy into the concept. That’s when things begin to happen.

Like it or not, the United States plays the part of an older brother that we love and respect for almost every country in the world. The world looks up to us for many reasons and most of the world didn’t like the behavior that they’ve been seeing from their big brother for a very long time.

As one who travels outside the U.S. several times per year, I’ve noticed a dramatic change in the way I and other Americans have been treated since President Obama was elected. I can remember being in the U.K. last October and November prior to the election and my customers from the U.K., Paris and Germany knew more about the U.S. election than most people I know from the U.S.  People outside of the U.S. know what an important financial, political and ethical position that the United States is capable of taking. It’s a leadership position that is noticed around the world whether our actions are noble and compassionate or selfish and destructive.

One of the words that President Obama has used consistently throughout his campaign and since being elected is change.  When we create a vision (change) for ourselves, for our companies or for our country, we create tremendous amounts of energy.  When we set very lofty goals we create excitement. We wonder can I (we) really bring this about? Energy comes from goals and a vision.  Creativity comes from setting a vision.  It takes zero creativity to continue doing the same things the same way that we’ve always done them.

The other word that he’s used an awful lot is hope.  Let’s face it, if there is one thing we need as Americans at this point in time it’s hope.  We need to believe in someone or something.  At at time when unemployment is at 10% and people are uncertain about their jobs, their net worth and their homes, we need to believe someone out there knows what he’s doing and can lead us to a point of greater certainty.

If the people of the United States need hope, can you imagine how the people from almost every other country in the world is feeling these days? They’re really looking for hope and it’s frequently not from their own governments.

What the President of the United States needs from us now is our support.  He needs us to assist with positive, constructive ideas that will assist with the lofty goals that he has set for our country and our world.

The world outside of the U.S. knows that we’re on the right track.  Let’s all acknowledge the same thing.

Isn’t it incredible the impact that one person can have on the planet?

Staying positive on a daily basis is significantly easier when the foundation for your optimism is based upon Faith and Hope.

In the August 6th USA Today, Sharon Jayson writes a great article about Positive Psychology – Happiness: Staying positive in negative territory.  The piece focuses on “positive psychology” which emphasizes the benefits of optimism and having a positive outlook.

Listen to this post:  

I truly believe in optimism and having a positive outlook and practice cognitive psychology concepts daily. A positive attitude is only one component in your recipe for a happy, meaningful and successful life. There is another component that carries additional significance which provides the foundation for the support of your positive, optimistic outlook.

What is the one thing that will give us a reason to have an optimistic attitude and a  positive outlook every day?

Money?  Nope. Employment? Wrong again. Relationships?  People tend to disappoint us. They all help but, they come and then they sometimes disappear – at least temporarily – don’t they?

The one thing that will allow us to feel positive and optimistic on a daily basis is FAITH in God – the ultimate relationship! Once we develop this Faith, we receive the gift of Hope and eventually learn how to Love.

Are you looking for cyclical happiness – one that is based upon each day’s events and circumstances and fluctuates daily? Or do you desire a happiness that is constant, everlasting and blossoming on a daily basis?  I choose the latter please!

Faith is defined as a “Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing”. It’s also defined as a “Belief and trust in God”. The definition of Hope according to Webster’s Dictionary is “To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment”.

Faith in God and Hope for the future (everlasting life) provide us with genuine reasons for optimism each and every day of our lives.  People of Faith know that regardless of what happens today, God loves us, is watching over us and has a purpose for us while we’re on the earth.  I feel even better just saying that!

Belief and trust in God becomes significantly easier when we truly know God.

How do we get to know God?  There are several ways:  Reading God’s Word, Praying to God (talking to God), Spiritual Meditation (listening to God), serving God (sharing your gifts with others) and Worshiping God (with other believers).

In the Old Testament we learn that

“You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.” -Isaiah 26:3.

When you truly trust someone, you stop worrying.  I can’t think of anyone better to trust than God.  Can you?

In the New Testament John tells us that

“Well-formed love banishes fear.  Since fear is crippling, a fearful life-fear of death, fear of judgment- is one not yet fully formed in love.” -1 John 4:18.

He also tells us that

“Whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever” John 3:36.

If I’ve been promised to have “life complete and forever”, what do I have to worry about?    Nothing! Everything else is just the “details along the way”.

Calls to action:

1. Nourish and nurture your existing Faith or set-out on a journey to develop your relationship with God.
2. Learn everything you can about positive psychology (there are two books referenced in the USA today article are Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Robert Biswas-Diener and Ed Diener, and Bounce: Living the REslilient Life by Robert Wicks that I recommend) and how your mind works and then use your genuine Faith in God as your foundation for your optimism and positive outlook.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope”.  Romans 15:13