I went through my usual Saturday morning ritual of paying bills and going to the bank and spoke with my dear friend Dreana who called to check-in on my recovery. I told her I was doing great and that Carolyn and I would love to have dinner with she and Greg  that evening. Carolyn and I then went to our favorite vegetarian restaurant for lunch -  Life Alive – as we do each and every Saturday.  Ahhhh, finally my life is completely back to normal.  Or so I thought.

After lunch, Carolyn and I went back home where I learned about one of the side effects of Oxycodone- constipation.  This was another first for me. I’ve been on the planet for 48.5 years and had never experienced this problem before.  The prior day I had the painful choice of To Pee or Not to Pee.  Today, I learned the second verse to the song -To Poo or Not to Poo. Dreana called to confirm dinner during this painful episode.  Funny, but I was not in the mood for eating. We postponed our dinner with friends to another day. On that day I learned to appreciate another one of life’s simple pleasures that I always take for granted.  Prayer played a significant role during that process too.

On Sunday morning, less than 48 hours after surgery I was back at the gym and on an elliptical machine.  It felt great to exercise after being idle for two days, even if I was only working out at about 70%-80% of my normal level. Routines – when they’re healthy routines that contribute to the happiness of yourself and others – are wonderful!

On Monday, I jumped on a plane and headed to San Jose feeling great. I knew that heading into the surgery at a very high level of health would allow me to recover very quickly and get on with life.

Upon my return from San Jose, I’ll meet with the urologist to determine how I’m going to deal with the remaining kidney stones and how to prevent future stones from forming- if that’s even possible. I have a strong feeling that there will be modifications coming to my already very clean diet.

We can and should try to do everything to the best of our capabilities to prevent disease – regular exercise, healthy eating, proper amounts of rest – but even then there are no guarantees. Once we identify a problem, we can maintain the activities and habits that are serving us, eliminate the ones that are causing problems and replace them with new habits.

Change is constant.  We’re constantly making modifications that will bring us closer to our ideal. Our goal is to maintain a healthy body, a positive mind and a peaceful, loving soul. Every day is an opportunity for us to make progress in all three areas.

If I didn’t know it well enough before, this episode has reinforced my desire to cherish today, love to the best of my capabilities today and be grateful for each of life’s simple pleasures.

The next thing I knew, David, the orderly, came into our room with a rolling bed and asked me to jump-on so that we could head to the operating room. Showtime! Outside the operating room, I had fun with the anesthesiologist who was surprised at several of his observations: 1) the fact that I wasn’t on any medication, 2) my exceptionally low blood pressure and 3) that I had never had any prior surgery.  The medical community is not used to dealing with proactive people who are in relatively good health.

While waiting to go in for the surgery after speaking with the operating room nurse, I had another opportunity for prayer.  I’ve learned to pray for God’s will instead of my will or my desires.  I now know that each thing that occurs in my life will somehow bring me closer to God – even if it’s painful.  My prayers are always answered even if I don’t like the answer.

My body must have taken very well to the anesthesia because the last thing that I remember is being rolled into the operating room.  I never saw my surgeon in the operating room. I don’t remember counting backwards from 100. I have zero recollection. The next thing that I remember is waking up in the recovery room feeling unbelievably happy. Was it the medication or the joy of being conscious and back in this world again? It think that is was a little of both, but mostly the latter.

My sense of joy was tempered by the fact that I had an overwhelming desire to urinate. So much for being in that state of bliss for very long.  I asked the nurse if she could take me to a bathroom.  She responded by saying  that she had a few things to do and that she would wheel me back up to my room as soon as she finished. That sounded to me like I might have a little wait on my hands – or lower.  Could I wait?  Once I arrived in my room, I was greeted by my wife who looked relaxed and beautiful as she sat reading a magazine. I think that she really enjoyed 3/4 of a day of uninterrupted silence at home without her loud husband coming into the kitchen every couple of hours for hugs, kisses or conversation.  After a very quick “hello” to my wife, I asked the nurse if I could please visit the bathroom.

What I had anticipated as being a moment of tremendous relief turned out to be a time of equally tremendous pain. In order to remove the kidney stone from the bladder, the surgeon goes in and removes it without making an incision.  That’s my best clinical language for saying that they go in through the penis when operating on a male (sorry to share that disgustingly graphic factoid!) The pain and burning associated with trying to urinate was now balanced by the tremendous urge to purge.  To Pee or Not to Pee, became the question of the moment.  Which is the lesser of the two pains?

After that awful experience in the bathroom, I got dressed and went back out with my wife while waiting to be discharged from the day-surgery.  While sitting there, the pain in my back and abdomen (similar to the kidney stone pain) came on in full force.  The nurse then mentioned that I could have an Oxycodone (for the pain) and that I could pick up  some pills if I was experiencing any burning sensation while urinating. I knew for the first time in my life what real pain felt like and  how much I desired both of those medications. The nurse gave me one Oxycodone at the hospital which seemed to do nothing to alleviate the pain and I impatiently waited alone at home while my wife went to conduct  the drug deal at the pharmacy.

The second Oxycodone significantly helped with the pain and I finally felt well enough to eat and drink for the first time after 20 hours of fasting at about 8PM.  I really like eating!

Talk about life’s simple pleasures.  I was ecstatic to be sitting at our kitchen counter eating two of my son’s frozen Eggo waffles with fresh blueberries and for the ability to be able to go to the bathroom with a little less pain. Thank you drugs. Thank you Carolyn. Thank you God!

After a great night’s rest, I was up at the crack of dawn thankful to be back into the old routine – meditation, reading of scripture, affirmations and breakfast- and off of the Oxycodone!!!!!  I even thought about going to the gym, but the nurse asked me to wait until Sunday. Life is good!

More to come!

The following day at about 10AM, I received a call on my cell phone from the urologist stating that I had a large kidney stone in my bladder that needed to be removed quickly and several smaller ones in my left kidney.  It was Thursday  morning and I was jumping on another plane on Monday afternoon for a speaking engagement in San Jose.  I could either have the surgery on Friday and risk not recovering well enough for my flight on Monday or put-off the surgery for a few weeks and hope that I didn’t have any more mobile rolling stones while traveling for the next two weeks. Isn’t there a third option?

I made the decision while on the phone with the urologist to have the large stone removed the following morning at 11:30AM. Although the doctor wanted me to have the surgery, he was very concerned about my ability to be ready to fly 74 hours after surgery.  I was counting on the fact that my healthy body and mind would allow me to recover much quicker than the patients that he was accustomed to treating.  I was hoping and praying that the years of daily exercise, clean eating, positive thinking and a lifetime of faith would pay dividends at this time.

Going in for surgery is a religious experience for at least two reasons: The first reason is that you have to fast (no food, no water, no nothing!) from midnight the night before the surgery and the second is that times of sickness or fear cause us to reach out to God for help.  When things in our lives are going well, we may not always spend a lot of time in prayer, thanks or conversation with God.  When sickness, or loss-of-job or some other catastrophe causes us to slow down, we somehow end up filling some of  that time with prayer.

I had planned on a little reading and some additional prayer during the two-hour span between my arrival at the hospital and the surgery.  I ended-up sharing a room with a wonderful man named Bill who was having surgery that morning to make sure that his cancer surgery two months prior had removed all of the cancerous cells.  Bill wanted to talk.  I’m glad that he did.  Usually when our plans are altered by an outside influence, the new event is much better for our souls than the originally planned activity.

More to come!

While my wife and 3 of our friends were trying to make dessert selections at a restaurant while celebrating my wife’s birthday on May 1st, I quietly squirmed in my chair in pain.  The pain in my lower left back came on quickly and intensified to the point that I excused myself from the table and went outside.  Stretching didn’t help. Standing up didn’t help. Fresh air didn’t help. Help!

Was it the worst case of stomach gas ever?

After leaving the restaurant, my wife gave me a Tylenol as I fidgeted in the passenger’s seat on the drive home while unsuccessfully trying to find a comfortable position.  The Tylenol seemed to help as I was pretty much out of pain by bedtime. I wonder what I ate that caused that to happen?

On May 17th while flying home from London on an eight-hour flight, it happened again. This time I was on a packed plane sitting in coach with very little room to roam, stretch or lay down. After somehow making my way through the long flight, I was very happy to get into my car at the airport knowing that I’d finally be home in 35 minutes.  I got onto route 93 heading north on what should’ve been an empty highway and saw nothing but red lights – night time construction! There was not supposed to be traffic at this time of the night – it was 8PM! For the next 75 minutes, I tried to find a sitting position that would allow me to safely drive in the stop-and-go traffic and manage the excruciating pain. As soon as I got home and Carolyn saw me on the couch rolling around, she brought  me some Tylenol. This time the Tylenol didn’t help at all and I stayed in pain for about 18 hours. Was it something I ate again?

Because I had only experienced the pain twice and had not had any symptoms in over a month, I hesitated to mention the symptoms to my doctor during my annual physical on June 21st. Carolyn had reminded me to bring it up and I didn’t want to go home and have to face her and tell her that I didn’t ask the doctor about it. So, I brought it up during the physical in an oh, by the way fashion. Just to be safe, my always thorough and cautious doctor scheduled an ultrasound of my left kidney for the following week.

I knew it wasn’t great news when the person who conducted the ultrasound at the hospital asked me to wait in the room while she phoned my doctor. Over the next 8 hours, I went from the hospital, back to my doctor, off to the urologist and then back to the hospital for a CAT scan.  They could tell from the ultrasound that I had dark spots in the kidney that didn’t belong there, but the urologist needed the Nuclear CAT scan to tell him exactly what he was dealing with. I was less-than-thrilled to have radiation injected into my bloodstream.

Eat organic food. Exercise daily. Drink spring water. Inject body with radiation. Which one of these doesn’t belong?

More to come!

A friend recently told me about her financial advisor who always responds to the “How are you doing?” question by saying, “Livin’ the dream, livin’ the dream.”  She said that his response is always oozing with cynicism.

Her comments brought a smile of recognition to my face as I thought about a particular friend at the gym who responds to the same question with, “Just another day in paradise” with the same cynical tone.

It sounds like in both cases the individuals are going through life’s motions, but not enjoying the ride.  They’re pushing themselves through another joyless day. They’re not able to savor each of life’s precious moments. How sad.

Why are so many of us unhappy with our lives and unable to see our way through the sadness?

I think that it’s because we find ourselves in situations – careers/jobs, relationships, lack of relationships, addictions to food, alcohol or drugs – and feel like we’re stuck.  We feel like we have to stay in this situation forever.  We’re feeling hopeless. We’re feeling like we’ve dug a very big hole and we no longer have the energy or know-how to climb out.

We’ve all felt that way at some point over the course of our lifetime.

What’s gotten many of through these predicaments in the past?  Some of us have faith in ourselves and our ability to persevere. We can have a difficult morning, day or weekend, but we’ll eventually pull ourselves out of the rut and move on. 

Others have a strong faith in God and believe that God  is always listening to us and responding to our prayers – even when we don’t get what we’re praying for!!! We believe that we’re getting exactly what we need in response to each prayer in order grow, evolve and maximize our potential.  We believe that there is no problem that cannot be overcome with faith in God.

Tough jobs, difficult relationships, physical sickness and all of life’s difficulties are opportunities for us to develop resiliency and faith. Situations like these cause us to slow down, listen to our souls, pray and contemplate change.  We want to change because we realize that something is just not right.  It’s time for a chiropractic adjustment of our life so that it’s in alignment with our soul.

If you’ve felt this way lately or are feeling this way today, try looking upon your current situation as a blessing – as grace from God.  Try to figure out what good can possibly come from this situation.  Something good results from every situation when you’re looking for the good and for the opportunity to learn.  Ask yourself, “what message is this obstacle asking me to listen to so that I can learn and make the necessary modifications to how I’m living my life?”

Realize that you’ve been presented with an obstacle – a gift -  that you’re capable of solving.  It’s going to cause you to think. It’s going to cause you to get creative. It may cause you to go silent and listen to your soul. It may bring you to your knees in prayer.

It may be calling you to release whatever it is that you’re holding onto that is causing you to feel angry or sad and refocus your life on your special mission or purpose.

The result of your contemplation and prayers will be a decision for you to make changes in one or several aspects of your life.  It may be a new job or vocation. It might be a new way of caring for your  physical health. It might be to seek counseling to repair a relationship.

You are capable of bringing joy and happiness into your life.  When you slow down and listen to yourself and listen to God, you’ll remember why you’re here and what you’re supposed to be feeling – love.  We are love. When we’re not feeling that way, we understand that we’ve somehow alienated ourselves from our core identity.

In the future when you respond to the question, “How are you doing?”, make sure that your response is authentically happy because you realize that each day is a gift and a blessing and that you’re committed to living each day in alignment with your highest self.  We’re called to be genuinely Livin’ the dream!

I was awakened last night at 11:56PM by flashing lights and loud trucks in the street in front of our home. There was the sound of spraying going on and off in a staccato-accented cadence. It took me a few seconds to figure out that the Department of Public Works was spray painting new lines on the road to give drivers clear visuals to safely guide them on their journeys.

A little annoyed at being awakened in the middle of the night I wondered, “Why are they doing this at midnight?” And then very quickly it dawned on me that night time is the best time for street painting because the roads are practically empty. It’s easy to paint when the streets are a blank canvas and when cars will not run over the wet paint causing it to streak and create errant marks on the road.

Thinking about the lines being painted when the streets are quiet and empty caused me to contemplate the parallels to meditation. Meditation is the silencing of our minds from all of the congestion of loud thoughts that clog and bombard our neural pathways. It is the act of deliberately slowing or silencing of our thoughts so that we can listen to God’s thoughts. When our minds are full of noise, traffic and congestion, it’s impossible for us to hear our intuition. We can’t listen to our soul speak to us when its’ voice is being drowned out by the sound of our screaming egos and incessant external noise.

Public works workers know that it’s easiest to create new fresh lines and landmarks to point us in the right direction when the streets and highways are empty and quiet. The same thing is true with our minds. By deliberately taking time to silence our thoughts at a time and in a place where there is solitude, we’re able to hear the tranquil voice of our soul.

If you’re feeling stressed, tired or out of control, begin the practice of silencing your thoughts – meditation- on a daily basis. It’s one of the best ways to improve our mental, spiritual and physical health and to be sure that our lives have purpose and direction that are aligned with our soul.

The answers to every major question you’re asking yourself exist deep within your soul. Give yourself the gift of silence on a daily basis so that you can listen to the answers. The clarity you receive will be like painting fresh, bright guiding lines in your mind and soul every single day.

Our beliefs form as a result of the repetition of our thoughts.  Many of our beliefs are formed while we’re very young and are the result of listening to parents, guardians and other authority figures.

It’s critical for us to understand each of our beliefs because every one of our actions is the result of and in alliance with our beliefs.

The changing of beliefs topic is brought-up in USAToday’s article, “Atheist Christopher Hitchens’ cancer news prompts conversion debate.” 

Christopher Hitchens is the author of God Is Not Great and Hitch-22. He has talked about religion in the following ways:

• Religion misrepresents the origins of humankind and the cosmos
• Religion demands unreasonable suppression of human nature
• Religion inclines people to violence and blind submission to authority
• Religion is hostile to free inquiry

Although I consider myself religious, I think that there is some truth in each of his points.  Hitchens is a man of strong opinions and he causes us to think about our own beliefs. What a great gift he is!!  Why? Because most of us don’t stop to analyze what the beliefs are that we’re using to run our lives!!!

Religions – like people – are not perfect. Depending upon our perception, we can either see the good in everyone and everything (including religion) or seek out the negative or bad.  We perceive in accordance with our beliefs too!

If your beliefs about religion are positive, you’ll probably take exception to his comments. If you dislike religion, you’ll tend to agree with his statements. We’re always looking for information that will support our beliefs.  We’re always looking for information that will prove that we’re not wrong (or crazy) for believing the things that we believe.

Hitchens is  undergoing chemotherapy after being diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus.  Because of this, there is much speculation about whether or not he will change his belief regarding a higher power. What would it take for a self-proclaimed famous atheist to admit that he’s adopted a different belief?  A lessening of ego?

While we think about Hitchens, answer this question: When is the last time that you admitted that you were wrong and deliberately and intentionally changed one of your major beliefs?  Are you looking to be right or would you like to improve?

In Hitchens’ case, it would  be understandable if in the silence of the hospital prior to a chemo treatment, he said a silent prayer, “I know that I’ve ignored you, never believed in you and actively written that you don’t exist. If you really do exist, will you please help me to recover from this disease.  Please.”

When our lives are going well, it’s easy for all of us to focus on satisfying our huge egos and ignore our souls, ignore God and ignore each other.  Why do any of us need to admit that we need anyone else when we appear to be doing great alone?

It’s when the curveballs appear in our lives that we slow down long enough to listen to our souls and to reach out to God and to others. We’re looking to connect with a power that we believe might be outside of us (if it exists at all) because we realize that as great as we are as humans, we’re incapable of solving this particular problem alone. We might be looking outside ourselves because we’ve been ignoring our spiritual nature that is within – our soul. We’re looking for unity where there has been division-separation.

Many of us decide to slow down, pray or connect with others in times like these:

• When drugs, food, sex, work or alcohol have taken over as our main priority.
• When a marriage or relationship has failed or is quickly spiraling downward.
• When someone we love is sick, hurt or dying.
• When we’ve been fired or laid-off.
• When we’re about to run out of money – unable to pay for life’s necessities.
• When we can’t seem to acquire enough “stuff” to keep us happy for very long.

Do we have to bottom-out before we change our beliefs or reach out to God?  No. By becoming aware of our thoughts and beliefs, we can be mindful of updating them on a daily basis.

Sadly, for most of us, it takes something drastic for us to relinquish our ego and listen to our divinity within – our soul.  It’s as if we say, “Okay, everything else has failed, so it’s time to listen to my soul–it might be time to reach out to God.”  Our souls are always asking us to listen to our divinity within.  When we don’t listen to our souls, the messages get stronger.

Difficulties in our lives can be seen as times of grace although they never feel like it while we’re going through them!  Times of major challenge are phenomenal opportunities for us to wake-up and to convert our beliefs (CHANGE).

To change our beliefs requires that we admit to ourselves that there are beliefs that will serve us better than our existing beliefs.  Once we can admit this, we can replace the old, outdated belief with the new belief that we think will better serve us and serve others.   If we can do it once, we can do it repeatedly whenever we perceive an opportunity to improve.

Are your beliefs permanent and inflexible or are you open to changing your mind?

What is the one belief that you are holding on to for dear life that is preventing you from really living?  Now that you’ve identified it, what are you going to do about it?

If God were in Facebook, who would His friends be?  Would you be one of them?

I’m guessing that there would be a lot of Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, Christians and other people of faith.

I’m also imagining that if God were to show up on the  “Suggestions” bar as a friend of people that you know, you might send God an invitation to connect along with a brief message stating why you want to connect.

Would everyone who wanted to connect be accepted?  Yes.

When we’re experiencing a struggle in our life and exceptionally desperate, we might do a  search within the “Friends” section to see if God is in Facebook. We tend to search for friends when we’re in trouble or need something.

Would God have a picture in Facebook or would there be that generic white silhouette of a faceless, formless God against a drab sea of never ending gray?  Maybe that is God’s picture?  Maybe when we look into the eyes of another human in Facebook or face-to-face we are looking into the eyes and soul of God?

When I searched for “Bob Gregoire” within Facebook this morning there were about 73 (some were Robert).  If we did a search for God, there would only be one, but many options for how we connect.

Isn’t it cool when you see a friend in Facebook who is connected to another friend of yours?  What do you ask that person?  “How did you meet her?” or “How did you meet him?”  We learn that we’ve come to meet the same person as a result of completely different paths.

What would a Christian say to a Muslim in Facebook who is connected to God?  How did you ever come to meet my God? The Muslims would respond, “Allah is our God!” People of all faiths would be asking the same question of each other.

We’ve been praying and worshipping the same God???  I wish that we knew that a long time ago, we could’ve been friends.

We are all universally connected via the most substantial spiritual social network – God.

We’re at our best when united and connected with God and with each other.

Our goal for connections today should be 6.8 billion. No one is excluded from this network.

The route for connection to each member: LOVE.

As part of my 20-minute per day reading of scripture, I’ve been reading the Book of Job for the last several days.  If you’ve never read it or haven’t read it lately, Job’s complaining and anger sounds very familiar to how many of us sound. For page after page, Job is complaining about his life, the loss he’s experienced, the physical pain that he’s enduring and how poorly he’s being treated by the people around him.  Job is very angry!

After patiently listening to Job vent day after day, God finally speaks to Job and basically says, “Could you have created this world?  Can you create all of the marvelous animals and mountains and beauty that you see around you? Do you think that you can do a better job than I did?  Would you like to take over?”

In John E. Welshons’ book, One Soul, One Love, One Heart, he quotes one of his mentors – Ram Dass, “Don’t you understand that all anger is anger at God?”   When I read that quote I had to put the book down and really think about my own anger.  Why do I get angry? When do I get angry? Why do I allow others to upset me? What is the cause of my anger? Who am I really upset with?

Why do you get angry? 

Why are we angry? Because we think that the people around us should be different than they are. We think that our lives should be different than how they are currently. Most of us are not very good at accepting and being happy with what we presently have at this minute.

We think that we could’ve done a better job than God at creating this beautiful world and the people he’s put in it!  How large are our egos???

Anger is not a primary emotion. There is always another emotion beneath it – frequently it’s fear – that is causing us to express our anger.  The next time that you’re angry with someone or something, ask yourself, “What’s really making me angry? or What am I afraid of?”  It’s probably not what’s going on in the present that is making you angry. It’s probably something that happened in the past that is being triggered by what you’re experiencing in the present.

Can you imagine allowing something that happened in the past to ruin today?  We do it all the time!

Fear is the absence of love.  When we’re afraid, we frequently express that emotion as anger.  When we’re fearful, we show our vulnerability.  When we’re angry, we show our power.  Most of us would rather show how powerful we are than reveal our fear and vulnerability.

When we understand that God made a perfect world and that everyone around us is doing the best that they can at the current time, we become more accepting, understanding and loving of what is happening in the present.

Stop allowing your past or your expectations of the future to ruin your present.

Search for opportunities to be grateful to God for the beauty that is all around us and in every one.

I’ve decided to eliminate anger from my life because I am absolutely not angry with God.

God is love.  You are love.

I left my wife and 20-year old son in the kitchen this morning as I ran out the door heading for our garage. Something that my son said to me before leaving prompted me to think of one of  Ghandi’s teachings. In a joyful, encouraging tone I said to James, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I got to think about what I had just said and wondered what it really meant on a practical level.  I wondered if I was being what I wanted to see.

Here are some of the changes I envisioned this morning:

• I’d like to see a world without weapons and wars. There would be no need for them. No one could fathom why a weapon would ever be required.  Everyone understands how to communicate and compromise so that no misunderstanding ever gets to the point of violence. Peace is the norm.
• I’d like to see a world where people are accountable and proactive regarding their physical health. Each person knows how to maintain a healthy body and does everything possible to do so. The cost of health insurance is very small because we rarely need to use it.
• I’d like to see a world where there is no such thing as depression.  People understand that their happiness comes from God and is found within themselves.  Each person knows how to tap into that internal well on a daily basis. There would be no requirement for anti-depression medication.
• I’d like to see a clean world without trash. A world where there is clean air, clean water, a healthy organic food supply and 100% recycling of our waste. Each person is a proactive steward for the planet.
• I’d like to see a world where we shared our resources so that each of our 6.8 billion people had enough food and shelter to live with dignity and respect. There are zero deaths as a result of starvation.
• I’d like to see a world where people are more important than things. It’s a world of consideration, courtesy, compassion and manners.  Concern for others is more important than acquisition of stuff.

As I came up with that list I thought to myself, “Am I doing everything possible on a daily basis to be what I want to see?”  Are you?

What will happen when we do?

The result will be love.  That’s what you are. That’s what I am. That’s what we’re call to be.  LOVE.