During our Christmas celebration on Friday evening, a friend told me that he liked one of last week’s blogs about forgiveness.  He asked me if I had really forgiven everyone in my life because he was having a hard time forgiving one particular person – and for a very good reason.

How long does it take to be ready, willing and able to forgive another person?

When my friend questioned my 100% forgiveness of others statement, part of my response to him reminded me that in some cases, it had taken me years from the time of the incident to even become ready to communicate with the individual. I knew as soon as I answered him that my forgiveness had taken way too long.

Did it need to take me years to be able to forgive or apologize?  No.

Forgiveness in its best form can be instantaneous.  The mind says, I think that I’ll forgive this person and the lips start moving, I forgive you.

Lots of people have written many great things on the topic of forgiveness. Below are a few of my favorite quotes on the topic along with a few comments and sample affirmations to use to assimilate the new mindsets:

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten — Buddha

Buddha is challenging us to decide whether we’d prefer cherishing resentment or if we’d prefer to be resentment-free and cherish feelings of peace and serenity.  As with all the changes that we choose to make in ourselves, this one requires a mindset to be deleted and replaced with a new mind.    In this case, it’s the mind of Buddha.

Affirmation: I happily and easily forgive each person at the time of the incident and cherish my resentment-free mind.

Jesus is very clear about when and how often we’re supposed to forgive in Luke’s Gospel, “Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

It sounds like Jesus is letting us know that forgiveness should be ongoing and instantaneous. Can you imagine the same person offending you seven times in the same day?  Could you imagine forgiving that same person seven times?  That’s what he’s telling us to do. Can I do that?

Jesus’ words are always giving me a better vision of myself than how I am currently living.  Although the gap between where I am currently and where he’s calling me to be seems big at the time,  I am able to lessen and eventually close the gap with repetition of his words. Mentors always see a better picture of us than we see of ourselves. The key for us is to surround ourselves with the best mentors available – whether they’re still physically roaming the earth or not.

Affirmation: Forgiving the same individual multiple times for the same offense comes naturally to me because I am patient and understanding

Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion – Dalai Lama

Which type of hurt bothers you more?  Is it the feeling of having hurt another or the feeling of having been hurt by someone else?  For me, the feeling of thinking that I’ve hurt another person is much more painful.  Apologizing and receiving the gift of forgiveness from another person takes a tremendous burden off my mind and soul.  Because I know that feeling well, I want to be sure to give that same gift to others as soon and as frequently as possible.

It’s always possible to forgive.  Forgiveness is a choice.  We either choose to forgive or we choose to hold on to our anger and resentment. The more that you’ve been hurt by the other person, the larger the gift that you give them with your forgiveness.  Give large gifts to others.

Affirmation: I show kindness and compassion to others by graciously forgiving offenses whether large or small

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it – Confucius

A short and sweet message from Confucius. My mother has a great trait of having a very poor memory for bad things done by people. This is not a trait that was acquired later in life as a result of a fading memory. She’s always had the Confucius-like quality of not holding on to bad memories.  Either I received this gene from her of I’ve been able to develop the qualities of living in the present and forgetting the bad that happened in the past.

Affirmation: I am a master of remembering the kindness that is shown toward me and am equally good at forgetting offenses

If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless –Mahatma Gandhi

I really enjoy people who have the skill to deliver a message in a humorous fashion. We’re being encouraged this time by Gandhi to forgive rather than to get even. What a great trait this is.  It’s a choice to act in a God-like manner rather than in a malicious manner.  When we forgive, we’re sharing the gift of compassion and kindness with another person. We’re showing them that it’s possible to love and forgive rather than retaliate or harbor grudges.

Goodness, kindness and forgiveness are the result of an increase in our awareness. They’re the result of becoming aware through mentors like Gandhi, Jesus, Confucius, Buddha and the Dalai Lama that we have the potential to be more compassionate than we are today.

It’s an awareness that the peace and serenity that result from our forgiveness of others feels so much better than the painful repetition in our minds of how we’ve been wronged by another.

What good comes from holding on to our anger, hurt and resentment?  I can’t think of any.

What good comes from forgiving another person?  You feel better and the other person feels better.  A burden has been taken off your shoulders and your soul.  Your soul has become a little bit brighter as a result of the dark emotion being removed and replaced by love.

Because I believe Jesus’ words, I know that I will be forgiven for every offense if I’m truly sorry. That same belief allows me to forgive myself after I’ve been off-the-mark or off-my-game. If I expect to be forgiven quickly and if I want to forgive myself quickly, then it makes sense that I offer the same consideration to others – quickly.

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were –Cherie Carter-Scott

Have you lost your wisdom teaching?

Listen to this Post!
 

Many people have completely thrown away the teachings of the most important knowledge in the world because of alienation with the institutions associated with the teachings.

At this time of year, many parents of high school juniors and seniors and their children are traveling around the world looking at colleges and universities to receive higher education. If scholarships are not involved, many families consider spending 20, 30, 40 or $50,000+ per year for this education.

What type of education and degrees are we willing to spend this kind of money on?  Law, Engineering, Pre-med, Business, Liberal Arts, Art, Music, Psychology, etc.

Will you please answer these questions?

If you wanted to eliminate war from the face of the earth and instruct people how to peacefully co-exist, what type of education would you give to people?

If you wanted to eliminate hunger and homelessness forever, what would be the types of courses you’d make mandatory?

If you wanted to educate individuals on their power to cause the changes that they desire for themselves, their families and the world, what would you teach?

If you wanted drug and alcohol abuse to become a thing of the past, what would we teach people?

If you wanted each person in the world to have equally high self-esteem, what would we teach?

If you wanted to reduce or eliminate our dependance upon counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists, what would we have people learn?

What did you come up with?

I came-up with a self-study program that would either be free or cost less than $100. The education that I’m talking about which would solve each of these problems is available in a book or two for free at any library or for less than $100 at a bookstore.

Most of us had parents who raised us by bringing us to a religious service on a weekly or very frequent basis.  Are you aware that today 17% of people go to religious services on a regular basis (more than 3 times per year)?

One of the reasons that our parents or grandparents attended services on a regular basis is that this service was the primary form of education within many faiths.

Did the education and knowledge that people found to be the foundation of their values for the last 2000+ years suddenly become irrelevant with my generation and by default for our children?

Do we really think that sports practice, dance lessons and Xbox 360 and Nintendo are really better uses of our time than developing our spiritual health?

I understand that many people have become alienated with the institutions themselves and/or with the fighting going on in the world which frequently seems to have religious ties.

If you’re unhappy with your particular house of worship, I’ll encourage you to do one of the following:

• Ask yourself if you’re letting the messenger get in the way of the message. The message is always good.
• If you can’t get past the messenger, search for a new house of worship whose messenger is more consistent with your personality.
• If that doesn’t work, create a home-study program for yourself and your family that allows you to spend time weekly (or daily) studying your faith and/or multiple faiths. In addition, meditation and prayer are habits that can be conducted anywhere at any time.

I don’t know of any God or any faith that promotes war.  Do you?  Any person that is using God as an excuse for war has corrupted the message that Allah, Jesus, Buddha and all of the spiritual teachings that I’m aware of.

The education that I believe each of us should receive, which would serve as the foundation for the education that we’ll need for our vocation, is an education on how to live with God-like qualities.

• Unconditional Love
• Integrity
• Service to others
• Kindness

Yesterday’s topic on BlogTalkRadio was God.  Greg Stewart and I talked about some definitions of, perceptions of and reasons for believing in God.

A lot of people fight against the idea of God being real because they’ve never shaken God’s hand or been able to pull up any of God’s clips on YouTube.

I admit that going from a position of “I don’t believe in God” to “God is the center of my life and basis for each of my thoughts and actions” is a drastic jump. What I’ve recommended to many people who are interested in understanding and developing a relationship with God or living with God-like qualities on a daily basis is the following two-step process.

Here’s the first step.  Read the teachings of  people like Jesus and Buddha like you were reading any other book that you had to read while in high school or college. While reading the teachings, ask yourself the following types of questions:

• Do I agree with this principle?
• Do I incorporate this teaching into how I run my life today?
  • If I agree with it and am not living it, why not?
• Would I be a better person if I practiced what this teacher taught?
• What type of person would I be if I began thinking, believing and behaving in this manner?
  • Do I like what I’m capable of becoming?
• What would my community (or the world) be like if others lived their lives in this fashion?
• Could we eliminate each of the problems listed above if others were educated and lived with this knowledge?

This first step allows us to come to know how the world’s greatest teachers of truth have advised us to proceed towards enlightenment.

The second step is for you to decide how you want to proceed based upon 3 possible outcomes.

The first possible outcome (I don’t believe in these teachings)

After reading these teachings, you might decide that you absolutely disagree with these concepts.  I doubt it but, it’s a possibility. If you do, you’ve made an educated decision.

The second possible outcome (I believe in these teachings and commit to living them but, I still don’t believe in God)

A second possible outcome would be that you’ve decided that this teacher or these teachers were very wise and that you and I would have happier lives and live in a peaceful world if each of us truly implemented the teachings.

I’ve thought about what the world would be like if each of us were educated in these principles and implemented them – even if we still didn’t believe in God.

We’d have a world without weapons -assault weapons, tanks, fighter jets – because there would be no need for them.

We’d have a world where people were better at listening to and understanding each other than ordering around and giving ultimatums.  If we had disagreements – and we would – we would engage in conversation with the expectation of coming to peaceful outcomes.

We would have a world that treats every person on the planet with dignity and respect.

We would allocate our tax dollars toward education and solving the hunger and homeless issues instead of funding war with and security from our family members.

The third possible outcome (I believe in God)

A third possible outcome would be that you would come to believe that these teachings could have only come from someone with much higher thoughts about love, peace and compassion than any human you’ve ever met. That these thoughts were designed to have us works toward perfect love.

You might come to believe that there is tremendous causative, creative power that exists within you that manifests itself when aligned with the teachings that you’ve learned and implemented. You might come to believe that you have the ability to co-create solutions to every problem that exists when you combine your consciousness with that of God.

You might come to believe that the life that exists within you was created by and comes from the spirit of God that is dwelling within you and I and within every person in the world.

You might come to develop faith in a spiritual power that created the world and everything in it that you’ve never physically seen or touched.

We can’t ask others to do what we’re not willing to do ourselves.

Are you willing to make an educated decision for yourself?

Are you willing to discover  whether or not you believe in and are willing to implement what the teachers of truth have taught us?

A WORD of CAUTION: These principles when acted upon will cause you to change and could possibly result in Sainthood and Enlightenment.

“May you be happy.  May you be peaceful.  May you be free from suffering.”  How would you like to keep those thoughts present in your mind throughout your day each and every day?  It’s very possible if you choose to meditate on a daily basis like the Buddhists do.  The above mantra is one of many meditations found in Stephan Bodian’s best selling book “Meditation for Dummies”.

According to the book, Buddha taught that in order for us to be free from suffering we must liberate ourselves from ignorance and eliminate fear, anger, greed, jealousy, and other negative mind-states. That sounds like a good idea to me!  Buddha taught the importance of gaining direct insight into the nature of existence and into how the mind creates suffering.

Does that mean that we create our own suffering?  Does that mean that we choose our “negative mind-states”. If that’s the case that means that we can create our own happiness, peacefulness and positive mind-states too.

In a related topic, BBC News published an article focused on mind-states on August 10th which was based on an American study published in the journal Circulation that says “Women who are optimistic have a lower risk of heart disease and death”. It aligns perfectly with an earlier study by a Dutch team which found that “optimism reduces heart risk in men”.

“Optimistic women had a 9% lower risk of developing heart disease and a 14% lower risk of dying from any cause after more than eight years of follow-up. Optimistic women exercised more and were leaner than their pessimistic peers. Cynical women who harbored hostile thoughts about others or were generally mistrusting of others were 16% more likely to die over the same time-scale”.

A spokeswoman for the British Heart Foundation says in the article:  “We know that hostile emotions can release certain chemicals in the body which may increase the risk of heart disease, but we don’t fully understand how and why”.

Since the BBC News article focused on optimism, I thought that I’d look up the definition of pessimism: 1. A tendency to take the least hopeful view of a situation. 2. The doctrine or belief that this is the worst of all possible worlds and that all things ultimately tend toward evil.  Think Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh. “Things are lousy and they’re only going to get worse”.

Okay, let’s review:

• Buddha taught that to be free from suffering we must eliminate negative mind-states
• Studies show that optimism (positive mind-state) reduces heart disease in men and women
• Cynical women with hostile thoughts are 16% more likely to die than their optimistic counterparts
• Meditation helps reverse heart disease, reduces stress, calms the body and relaxes the mind

So, how can we eliminate our pessimism, ignorance and negative mind-states and create positive, optimistic mind-states?

Meditation is a practice that can allow us accomplish each of these objectives.  I’ve learned from psychology that the mind is incapable of holding two conflicting ideas at the same time.  I can’t love you and hate you at the same time.  I am never patient and impatient simultaneously.  Meditation is a tool to help us reprogram our minds and eliminate the negative, destructive emotions and create positive emotions for the future. It’s a very healthy cleansing process for our minds, hearts and souls!

I know what you’re thinking-this is going to take time.  Yes it is.  It took many years for us to create our negative, pessimistic attitudes and it will take a little time for us to change them.

Are you willing to invest about 15 minutes per day to give meditation a try?

If you thought that it would help you become more optimistic would you do it?

If you thought that it would help you lower your risk of heart disease would you invest the time?

Not only does Stephan Bodian’s “Meditation for Dummies” give complete instruction on the “how” and “why” to meditate but, it also comes with an audio CD that can get you started in the practice of meditation today.  Were you aware that you could meditate while exercising? I’ve done it while on a cardio machine with my heart rate above 130!

May you be happy.  May you be peaceful.  May you be free from suffering.