One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.

One of my Facebook friends posted a comment from his young daughter this week which she made in response to the evening news on their television. She said, “Dada, how do we win a war?”   My friend’s comment (not to his daughter) in Facebook was, “I don’t know if anyone is going to win these.”

I spoke with another friend at a party recently who had a child in the military. I asked her how her son felt about the cause he was risking his life over. She said that he was taking orders from his superiors as all military personnel do, but no one that her son speaks with really knows what the end-result or objective is.

When you and I are at war with a family member or friend, it’s the result of conflicting beliefs.  You’re right and I’m wrong. You see the world or the issue as black and I see it as white. Neither of us is willing to admit that there are shades of grey which exist. The shades of gray contain the information upon which both parties can agree. We’re frequently unwilling to think, “Is it possible that the other person is at least partly correct?”

We perceive the world through the filter in our mind which is based upon our background, education, health, vocation, faith, political views and all of the other things which we’ve uniquely experienced.  When we like a person, we tend to see all the good that they do and filter out the things that aren’t so nice. It’s sometimes called overlooking. When we dislike someone, we filter out all of the good and only notice – perceive – the bad.  A good question to constantly ask ourselves is, “What am I missing?”

Our minds are incapable of holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. It’s either lover or hate.

Although filters perform a valuable function – to screen out excess information which we don’t think  is of any personal value to us -  they don’t allow all of the information that is available in the universe on a particular topic to get past the security guard in our minds.  

Can you imagine being mad at someone that you really loved only to find out that you were basing your anger upon information that was incorrect?  Because you didn’t have all of the information, you stayed angry at a sibling, parent or friend for a month, year or forever!  It happens all of the time because our pride gets in the way of saying, “I apologize”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” or “It’s possible that I”m not seeing the entire picture, will you please help me to see and understand what I’m missing?”

“I love you and I’d prefer that we stop fighting over whatever it is that we’re fighting over and get back to laughing, loving and living!”

So, how do we win a war with a friend or family member?  I don’t think that we do unless we’re able and willing to sit down with them and listen. While listening, it’s imperative that we try to stay non-emotional, non-judgmental and eagerly seek to understand why they feel the way that they do. Other people’s perceptions are valid just as yours are. When we truly seek to understand the feelings and perceptions of another, we tend to be more compassionate and are frequently able to help fill the void of information which was blocked out of our perception by our internal information filter.

At the same time, we can hopefully allow the other person to at least slightly open the blinders that are preventing all of the sunlight on the topic from enlightening their mind.

If we continue to throw verbal or written bombs at each other, both individuals are further wounded, tempers flare and neither party wins.  Both individuals are in pain and feeling incomplete and there are frequently innocent victims who are hurt as a result of the attacks. Innocent casualties are the result of a war that is fought because of a lack of complete information on both sides.

I think that the wars in our world are caused by the same misperceptions. Until both sides agree to stop fighting and start talking and listening, we continue flaming the fires of hatred until both sides are so angry we frequently forget why we were fighting in the first place.

“I know that I’m made at you, but I forget why!”

There’s a better way to live. We can deliberately choose to live knowing that each person on the planet has goodness in them.  We can spend our days searching for that goodness. When we’re open to the possibility that good exists in everyone, much of what we don’t like about them fades into the background.

We know that we all have way more in common with every human than the few beliefs which have the potential to separate us. Have you ever bought a home that had a couple of rotting boards or other minor defect?  Most of us will pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for a home that looks 98% good knowing that the few blemishes can be overlooked or repaired.

We’re capable of doing the same thing with people. It’s easy for us to overlook the blemishes that exists in another because we’re focusing on all of the beauty that exists.

All wars are won with our ears and hearts.  Both sides lose when we replace our ears and hearts with guns, grenades, fists and hatred.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”. -Mahatma Gandhi

 You are strong. You can see the light of love that exists in every human.