Cable Guy. Stickman. Bible Guy.

Those are a few of the names that have been given to me through the years by people who were describing me before I had ever opened my mouth and spoken with them.

Back in the early 1980’s, I learned how to play handball, racquetball and squash during a gym class in college. After graduating from school, I joined a gym that attracted some very good racquetball players.

Shortly after showing up at The Courthouse with my short-sleeve shirt and tennis shorts, a few of these fine athletes nicknamed me stickman before they had met me. I now understand that they gave me that nickname because my body resembles the stick figure that is frequently prominent on men’s public rest room doors.  I have a very average size body with 2 lean arms and 2 scrawny legs attached to my torso. To this day, those friends from the 80’s still yell out stick or stickman when they see me in public.

After about a decade at that gym, I joined a new club to focus on weight and cardio training so that I could hopefully shed the stickman nickname by developing the muscles on my limbs.  One of the husband & wife couples who worked out at the gym used to primarily keep to themselves while exercising.  One of the ways that they would communicate with each other about people at the gym is by giving the people they saw on a regular basis nicknames.  There was ladder guy (he drove up to the gym every day with ladders on his truck), Joseph and Mary (a husband with long, wavy hair, a mustache, and a beard and his Mother-of-God looking wife) and Cable Guy (a Jim Carrey-looking character who wore his leftover racquetball head bands and wrist bands to lift weights and run on treadmills).  Yes, I was that guy – this couple called me Cable Guy for quite a while before I introduced myself to them.

Three weeks ago, I was working in my favorite coffee shop writing spot and I noticed a friend who I went to grammar school with who also happens to attend the same church.  She stopped into the coffee shop to get some coffee and hot chocolate with her 10-year old daughter.  I waved at my friend and she gave me a big smile and invited me over for a quick hello.  She said that when they had walked into the coffee shop her daughter pointed at me and said, hey Mom, isn’t that Bible Guy? Because her daughter only knows me from church, she’s only seen me when I’m on the altar serving as a lector (carrying a large, red, Bible-like Lectionary).

So, let’s review:  To the people within my immediate community, I appear to many of them to be a Bible carrying, Jim Carrey-like Cable Guy whose body resembles that of a men’s rest room symbol! If I had not developed relationships with each of these people, that is how they would still see me.

How do we change the impressions that others have of us that are based solely upon our outward appearance? We have to get out of our comfort zones and open up and start revealing our true and complete whole self to others via communication.

We are a combination of mind, body and spirit.  What people see when they can only see us is our body.  When we begin talking with others, we start sharing our mind and our spirit with them.  By revealing our mind and spirit to others, we’re making it safe for them to do the same with us. We begin developing an understanding of each other that was hidden with our external facades – our bodies.

Our bodies hide the beautiful light that radiates inside each one of us.  It’s our eyes, our smiles and verbal communication that allows that light to be spread and made visible to each person within our sphere of influence.

What types of light to I see in others once they open up to me?  Love, compassion, consideration for others, understanding, humor and humility.

When we start revealing our true self to others, that action sometimes makes us feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. What will he think of me if I speak the truth about myself along with my likes and dislikes? is a feeling many of us might have.

I think that it’s just the opposite. When people begin to open up and start talking with me, I always feel much better about that person because I understand them better.  Any slightly negative thoughts or impressions that I might’ve had when they were not speaking with me magically disappear when I start to learn about who this person really is and how she became the person that she is today.  Each of us has an interesting life story that has lead us to this very day.  These unique stories that we share with others about ourselves gives people a much clearer picture of our background, where we are today and where we intend to go in the future.

Every look of sadness, anger or despair that is on the face of another human is there for a reason.  We just don’t know what it is–yet.

You and I were created in the image and likeness of God.  We have nothing to be ashamed of.  It’s our spirit and our soul that contains our eternal light.  Our body is but a place for our souls to dwell while on the earth.

One of the gifts that each of us can give freely is to let our light shine on those around us.

The more people that we speak with and develop a relationship with, the more we extend our reach into the universal mind and the universal spirit. We are all connected via the same spirit.  We were all created by the same creator. When we develop a relationship with others we’re forming a spiritual bond that gets larger and larger as we allow more people into our lives.

Have you given nicknames to people that you don’t know?  How about introducing yourself to them so that you can get to know the real person and so that they can get to know the real and wonderful you.

Are there people within your community – neighborhood, gym, church, school – that you’ve noticed for a long time who are still strangers?  Why not say hello to them?

Every fear is eliminated through communication with people who appear to be different than we are. People were all good at birth and are all good today deep down inside.  It may be the love shown by you towards them that allows their light to begin peeking out and shining on you and the rest of the world.

About a month ago, I found out that one of the two priests from our parish was in the hospital. This particular priest is not just any priest to me.  This priest is Fr. Ouellette.

Fr. Ouellette was one of the many priests at my parish when I was a young boy.  Way back then, daily mass was said several times per day at our church and altar boys were assigned to serve at each mass.  I served with Fr. Ouellette many times at these daily masses, for funerals during the school week and at weddings over the weekend. He always treated me – any everyone else -  like gold. He was one of the most appreciative people that I’ve ever known. He taught me how to show sincere appreciation for the smallest acts of kindness shown by others.

Somewhere around 1973, the Christmas masses were so crowded that we had two midnight masses – one in the beautiful, ornate upper church and a second in the darker, dingier but, just-as-large lower church. On this particular evening, this 12-year old was sick, but still wanted the honor of serving at midnight mass (even though I was relegated to the downstairs dungeon!).  I must’ve been sicker than I thought because I fainted right in the middle of the mass.  This was not just any lazy, quiet, not-get-noticed, graceful faint either.  My entire pudgy body smashed against the kneeler and caused it to crash against the solid marble altar floor with a resounding boom!  My older brother, Bill, and  my Dad rushed up to the altar to carry me into the sacristy as Fr. Ouellette looked-on to make sure that I was okay. Fr. Ouellette followed my Dad and brother into the sacristy to make sure that I was okay before proceeding with mass.  He taught me kindness and compassion.

One of the reasons that he’s been assigned to our parish almost continuously since 1973 is that his dear Mother lived in our city.  The great part of that is that he frequently incorporated stories about his family into his homilies. He wasn’t  a boring priest who spoke in monotone about God,God,God.  He was a human who had a real family. He frequently spoke about real family responsibilities and challenges from first-hand experience. He spoke of each challenge in his life with faith in God and hope and confidence that things would always turn out well. He taught me how to honor and appreciate family-especially when things are not perfect.

The St. Vincent de Paul Society is a group within the Catholic Church that cares for the poor within the parish. Its members collect food and money from the parishioners so that they’ll be able to provide for the poor on a weekly basis throughout the entire year. Fr. Ouellette has always been our biggest ambassador and salesperson. When he speaks about a topic, he never uses notes and always speaks from his heart with tremendous passion.  He doesn’t act like he cares…he cares.  He taught me sincerity and authenticity.

When I went to visit my 83-year old friend a few weeks ago, there were signs all over the door to his hospital room. Disinfect hands before entering. Caution: Infectious matter. Put-on gloves prior to entering. Dispose of gloves before leaving room. Nurses must put on gowns prior to entering. I was afraid to go in.

Once in the room, I saw my friend in bed with visible tubes everywhere  – his nose, mouth and arms.  He was having difficulty breathing. The nurse told me that he’d been unable to eat solid food for three weeks. He looked awful. His mouth was open. His lips were chapped. His arms were badly bruised from all of the the IV’s there were inserted into his veins.  I pulled up a chair and sat next to his bed and began to pray. My mind immediately came to a standstill.  Because of his age, poor health, and the obvious pain that he was in, I wasn’t sure if I was praying for him to recover or for him to die quickly and peacefully.  After a little consideration, I proceeded to pray for about 30 uninterrupted minutes for God’s will and not mine. He was so bad that I expected any one of his gasping breaths to be his last.  I was giving up hope.

All of a sudden, the silence in the room was broken. A chipper nurse entered the room to check on his vital signs. I took that opportunity to step out of the room to give my friend some privacy. From just outside the door, I could hear the nurse wake up Fr. Ouellette and tell him that he had a guest.  When I re-entered the room, he rolled over to face me.  The man who looked like he was ready to breathe his last breath, opened his eyes and said with a top-of-the-mornin’-tone, Hello Bob. I thought that he was about to die and within a matter of a few seconds, he began engaging me in conversation just as he had since 1973. How are you? It’s so good to see you.

Although his body was failing him, his teacher’s mind was as sharp as ever.  He asked me how Virginia (my Mom) was doing.  He told me what a great man Oscar (my Dad) was.  He and my Dad both went to the same high school. He went on to compliment my wife Carolyn and say what a valuable member of the parish she’s always been (not bad for a convert!).  He praised both of my kids (again by name). He then asked me about both of my brothers and sister by name. Because each of my siblings lives out of state, he hasn’t seen any of them in years. His name recollection was better than mine and I was not currently on drugs!

A few minutes ago I was considering praying for this man to die and he’s now speaking to me with his usual compassion and the memory of a teen-ager.  What was I thinking?  God does know better than I do.

Fr. Ouellette never complained (he did mention that he missed having turkey on Thanksgiving) during either of my hospital visits. For his entire life he was grateful and appreciative. He’d been lying in bed for weeks without solid food, without the ability to say mass and his thoughts were on God’s will – not his. His thoughts were on me and my family – not himself.  He always looks out for the well-being of those around him.

That is the exact attitude that he’s been preaching from the pulpit and living in his everyday life since I’ve known him. He has an unwavering faith in God. He has trust in God. He knows that God’s will is better than his. He always talks about the importance of family. He talks about how faithful and generous his parishioners are. He makes the people around him feel good about themselves.  He knows that we all make mistakes but, we can always recover.  He always has us leaning in the right direction – towards the positive, towards the good, towards God. I learned each of these things from him.

That is the type of attitude that has made Fr. Ouellette one of my family’s favorite priests -ever!  When our parish had the luxury of having 5+ priests on staff, we’d never know which priest would be celebrating at any given liturgy.  I can remember family members returning home from church saying with pleasure and thankfulness, it was Fr. Ouellette!  It was like someone had won the lottery.  He was always the gift that was given freely.

At mass last Sunday, another dear friend, Fr. Sannella walked down the center aisle of the church, leaned over, put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, Fr. Ouellette died last night.

Although I was a little sad, a smile came to my face after a few seconds of thought.  His entire life was dedicated and focused on helping people get to where he has now taken up residence. As I said prayers that night, I knew that I was not praying for Fr. Ouellette to get into heaven. He created heaven on earth for himself by living a Christ-like life each and every day.  He brought God’s presence with him wherever he went.  He now has a permanent residence in His Father’s mansion.

A friend’s daughter just walked into the coffee shop where I’m writing today. I told the beautiful 19-year old about Fr. Ouellette. She said with a proud smile, Oh, I love him, he baptized me!

Fr. Ouellette made the world a better place because of his presence: may you and I do the same each and every day.

Listen to this post -
 

We’re all connected to each other. We rely upon each other for love, friendship and everything else that we require to live. We can choose whether to embrace each other with love and compassion or to find fault with each other. From a Christian perspective, we look at each person in the universe as a member of the Body of Christ.  If each person is a part of the same body, it then becomes difficult for us to find fault with one of our body parts!

I’ll start today’s discussion about our connection to others with the definition of the word ego?  According to Webster’s II, ego is “the self, as distinct from the world and other selves.  The part of the psyche that is conscious, most directly controls thought and behavior, and is most aware of external reality. An exaggerated sense of self-importance.”

Is your ego (self) getting in the way of your relationship with God and others? For most of us the answer is yes.

From a spiritual perspective, I believe that the separate self does not exist.  We’re all connected spiritually.  It is our collective spirits that make us one with God and with each other.

So where do our problems come from?  We allow OUR egos to get in the way.  We become way too focused on ourselves and don’t focus enough on those around us. A new and better vision would be to look upon each other as brothers and sisters who are truly connected to us spiritually.

In Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s book  “Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling”, he explains that concept exceptionally well:  “You can see why the word ego is often referred to as an acronym for edging God out.”  When we “edge God out”, we’re creating a huge barrier between us and God and between us and the rest of the people in the world. When we invite God in (igi), we begin embracing love, compassion and well-being for our self and others.

Once we embrace the concept of a spirit (God) that resides within us, we lose all of our fear including fear of death.  Dyer says “There is no death from the perspective of infinity so once you’ve removed the horror of dying from the equation, you’ll have a different perspective.”

In Deepak Chopra’s  “Secrets of Enlightenment CD” he tells us that “fear, addiction, craving and fear of death come from the experience of the separate self.”  When we isolate our “self” from God and others, life is very lonely and scary.  When we commune with God and others every day life becomes a “we” rather than a selfish “I”.  It’s a collective, united consciousness.

Ram Dass in Dyer’s Book explains his philosophy on the united or collective consciousness – our relationship to all other people:  “I’ve firmly come to the conclusion that there are no ‘thems’ for me anymore. I can’t be told who to hate, who to fight, who to subdue–I only see an ‘us’ in my heart.”

Can you stretch yourself far enough to embrace the concept of no more ‘“thems”?  If there are in fact no “thems”, the world becomes very small and we realize that we’re all in this life together.  I no longer feel lonely and isolated.  My “self” is gone.

How can we possibly hate others? How can we hate people who are our connected to us spiritually?  We are literally part of the same body. Our hatred stems from our lack of compassion and from our ignorance. If we believed that each person was connected to us spiritually, I’m convinced that we’d treat each other with dignity, respect and love.

Here is a segment from one of the Dalai Lama’s books – ‘Becoming Enlightened’ on the subjects of ego, self and hatred: “Seeing that defective states of mind such as lust and hatred are rooted in egotism, Buddha taught something that had not been explained before him, the view of selflessness. Buddha taught that a permanent unchangeable self, separate from mind and body, does not exist.  He taught that the self is set up in dependence upon the mind and body.”

In science, we try to isolate the mind and body from the spirit.  What Buddha is telling us is that the three are connected. Our self (spirit,consciousness) is one with the mind and body and can’t exist without them.  When the spirit (self, consciousness) dies, so do the mind and body.

Inviting and embracing God to live and flourish within us naturally has a tremendously positive impact on our mind and body.

The opposite of selfish is altruistic (selfless regard or concern for the well-being of others)

Later in the book the Dalai Lama explains the concept of altruism as part of the path to enlightenment.

Altruism is a source of goodness for yourself and others.

Medicine alleviating all troubles,

The great path traveled by the wise,

Nourishment for all who see, hear, remember, and contact it,

Possessing great efficacy for advancing others’ welfare.

Through it you indirectly achieve your own interests full.

–Tsongkhapa, Great Treatise On The Stages of The Path

The Dalai Lama continues by saying “The fame of other great teachers with great followings, such as Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed, arose from the power of altruism.”

Those sound like pretty good mentors to me!

Let’s embrace and nourish the spirit that resides in ourselves and each other.

We ARE one in the Spirit!