What’s so great about life? Have you taken the time to answer that question lately? Maybe we should take the time today to remind ourselves just how precious this (once-in-a-lifetime) gift is.
One of my 20-year old son’s high school classmates committed suicide last Wednesday.
There have been several suicides and murder-suicides in Massachusetts over the last couple of months so, I’ve become very sensitive to this topic. We know that we have problems as a society when life is so intolerable that we choose to end it ourselves. When there is disease in one of us, there is disease in all of us.
After considerable deliberation, I chose this topic today with the hope that we can be of assistance today and forever in noticing the signs of despair in ourselves and others before the problems seem insurmountable.
Each of the major problems in our life starts out small and treatable. Most major debt started out small and manageable. Almost every bad marriage began with a happy, smiling wedding day. Excess, unhealthy fat was put on our bodies one pound at a time. It’s the accumulation of the untreated small problems on a daily basis that seem to overwhelm us at some point.
When you notice a look on someone’s face that tells you that something is just not right, it may be the kind word or touch from you that restores their confidence in themselves and in humanity. Humans can be remarkably fragile. Although most of us face the world on a daily basis with strong exteriors designed to prove how strong and tough we are, I’ve learned that most of the time these exterior facades are the thickness of a tissue and can be torn quite easily at any time.
When our foundations are weak, the best of us can fall at any time. That’s why we’re frequently surprised when someone commits an act of violence upon themselves or others. We were unaware of how unstable they really were beneath the Kleenex-thin exterior which seemed to say I’m okay.
My only qualification to write about this topic is as a fellow human. I am not a doctor, therapist or member of the clergy. I understand the pain that I’ve experienced so far in this world but, can’t come close to understanding the pain that others have felt and are feeling today. Pain, like pleasure, is a unique experience.
My present understanding is that each of us was born as an innocent and integrated being – soul, mind and body. Each of us is a gift to the world that is waiting to be nourished and developed – by others when we’re young and by ourselves (and hopefully others) once we mature. Because we’ve been born into very different families within drastically diverse family and social cultures – some positive and constructive, others more negative and destructive – some of us are nourished and cherished while others are not treated with the dignity and respect that each person deserves. Many of us are beaten down mentally and spiritually by the people we look up to the most.
Is it fair that some of us are loved, respected and given educational benefits that others don’t receive? I don’t think so but, I’m not the designer of this master plan. I do however have tremendous faith in the Creator of the plan. So, although I do not understand everything, I know with every cell of my being that there is always hope – for everyone.
I also know that those of us who have received tremendous gifts and backgrounds are called to love and nurture others who are hurting. There are lots of people who need our love and support because they’re not getting it at home – or anywhere else. Sometimes the pain that we’re feeling is physical, sometimes it’s in our minds and at other times it’s spiritual. Usually, when one area of our being is hurting, the other two hurt at the same time. Our minds, bodies and souls are seamlessly integrated whether we’re aware of it or not.
A strong being – mentally strong, physically strong and spiritually strong – provides a solid foundation which supports us as we deal with the trials of every day life. When the foundation is strong, the pain that comes our way on a daily basis is put into proper perspective as just an insignificant blip on the radar of life. Our hearts, minds and souls tell us that this too shall pass. When we believe that this trial or problem will pass – it does. When we believe that it will stay with us forever – it does. Our beliefs are very strong so, pay attention to the beliefs that you’re using to rule your life.
It’s easy for us to see when a physical wound becomes infected, it’s red and swollen and very sensitive to touch. It’s not quite as easy to see infections of the mind and soul in ourselves. When we’re healthy-mentally, spiritually and physically, it becomes pretty easy to spot the infections in ourself and in others.
Symptoms of infections in the mind and soul (expressed with words or self-talk):
What’s the use, it won’t work anyway.
- A possible signal of lack of belief in self.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it’s never good enough for him (her).
- A possible signal that the person is trying to please others to feel good about self.
I can’t. It won’t work. There’s no way I can do that.
- A possible signal of a lack of efficacy. A lack of belief in the ability to cause the change that is possible and that one desires.
Nobody cares about me.
- A signal that the person may be looking for love from others rather than seeking God’s love and an internal sense of self worth.
Because so many of us are struggling on a daily basis trying to keep ourselves and our families going (frequently financially), we can’t completely depend upon others to assist us with any of our infections. It is our responsibility to maintain our healthy soul, mind and body each and every day.
Should we be investing less time in earning money and more time investing in ourselves and our families?
Am I willing to have less stuff in my life so that I can devote more time to my own well-being and to the well-being of others?
Intellectually, we know that the mechanical devices in our lives need some attention or they will eventually stop working. My car and heating system are two examples of the machinery in my life that have to be maintained if I want 100% reliable transportation and moderate temperature in my house at all times. The alarm system in our house blatantly starts yelling at us (usually in the middle of the night) when a motion or smoke detector needs attention. I’ve noticed that my body, mind and soul also blatantly notifies me (usually in the middle of the night too!) when part of my being needs service.
We need to slow down long enough to be able to hear our mind and soul speaking to us.
When the house alarm needs servicing, I’ll do what I’m capable of doing by myself (change the batteries) and then call-in a professional. I take care of this immediately for a very good reason – the alarm keeps beeping at me until I fix the problem. I think that our minds and souls do the same thing but, much more subtly.
When our minds and souls are beckoning us like a smoke detector’s beeping, what do we do? Do we deal with the problem or do we drown out that noise with something louder than the internal beeping that is trying to tell us that we need service? I’m becoming very aware that many of us will stay tremendously busy with anything – work, television, radio, smart phone, hobbies – so that the noise of the busyness is louder than our internal cry for help. We intentionally distract ourselves so that we don’t have to pay attention to the real problem. By engaging in mindless activities that distract us from the real issue, we avoid becoming mindful.
Those of us who’ve been to any type of counseling know that the patient is always the person who comes up with the fix to the issue. The counselor’s role is to ask enough questions of us so that we can self-diagnose, determine the real (root) problem and begin the process of fixing the problem (frequently with the assistance of an expert). We never argue with our own diagnosis but, usually argue with the diagnosis of family and friends.
Please become acutely aware of signs of negativity and despair within yourself and in the people around you. It’s usually pretty easy to deal with an issue or two when they’re small (think cavities). When we ignore the mental and spiritual decay for too long, the problem becomes more challenging – but, never impossible – to fix (think root canal).
Over the last five weeks, great authors from drastically different walks of life – monk, therapist, psychiatrist, counselor, radio show host -have come on the Gregoire Today radio show and each has talked about the value of spending quiet time on a daily basis. This silent time (sometimes referred to as meditation) allows us the time to listen to ourselves and to listen to God (this is a by-product of the quiet time whether we’re seeking Spirit or not). It’s a time when we get to intentionally align our mind with our soul. It’s a time to listen to ourselves because we know when we’re off-track of how we’re supposed to be living life. It’s a precious time to ask questions of our Creator and listen to the answers when the noise of life is not drowning out the responses.
You and I can deal with any problem or problems when they’re small and when our foundations are strong. It’s when we ignore the problems that they become overwhelming and unmanageable.
Seeking assistance from professionals is a sign of strength – not weakness.
Nothing is impossible for God. Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. Repeat these words and you’ll begin believing them.
Will you begin the practice of 10 minutes per day of solitude to invest in your mind and soul?
Will you start the practice of speaking kindly to yourself and to others so that we’re habitually building each other up instead of tearing each other apart?
Will you commit to maintaining a healthy mind, soul and body for yourself because you cherish the gift of your life and are committed to a strong foundation?
Will you answer for yourself the question of What’s so great about life?
I think when you take time to answer this question, you’ll be filled with a tremendous sense of gratitude.
You are loved.
