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Life is a Circus Without a Strong Foundation. It takes guts in order to embark on a change that you want to make. It takes courage to admit that we’ve been under-living our lives and that starting today we’re going to commit to improving ourselves. To admit that we have more potential and that we’re not using all of our available resources is an admission that we are capable of doing better. We need a strong foundation.
Congratulations! You’ve found a partner who embraces every change that you want to make that is in alignment with your highest self.
This weekend, my wife and I ran into a friend who had the courage to tell us that she is getting divorced because her husband had left her and her children for a woman who is less than half her age. I could see the pain on her face and her eyes become teary as she shared her heartbreaking news with us. I think that she felt comfortable telling us because she was confident that we would support her in every way with unconditional love. We will.
How does a person feel after a break-up or divorce? Alone, isolated, angry, insecure, guilty, depressed, overwhelmed.
You are not any less of a person after these things happen. You are complete by yourself. Other people complement you!
Major experiences of loss usually cause us to become very introspective. Many times, people come back stronger after these situations – especially when they have a strong support network.
I overheard someone call my friend a “boomerang” yesterday. I guess she has successfully bounced back from traumatic experiences before this one. I know that she’s going to come back from this experience stronger too. This is a time of tremendous change, growth and self assessment for her.
On Saturday night, Carolyn and I had dinner with our great friends Greg, Dreana and Frank. We are all friends who met at the gym several years ago, who were gathered together that evening celebrating Greg’s last chemotherapy treatment 9 days prior and his clean bill of health. When Greg was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma in March, he went into it knowing that he was exceptionally healthy of body – he’s a personal trainer and former all-natural body building champion.
Like our friend who is going through the divorce, Greg had some of the same feelings – alone, isolated, angry, insecure, overwhelmed, worried – after the initial diagnosis. Announcements like these that are unexpected are serious shocks to us mentally, spiritually and physically.
Greg will be the first to tell you that although he went into his therapy exceptionally strong of body, he had to work extra hard to stay strong and become even stronger spiritually and mentally. The roadblock in Greg’s life allowed him to spend significant time building up his mental and spiritual capital.
I mentioned that Greg was physically strong prior to the disease, I wish that you could have been with us on Saturday night and seen him. He is exuding tremendous physical, spiritual and mental confidence. He has come out of this a drastically stronger person (mentally and spiritually).
We all know that when we go through one of life’s difficult experiences like divorce or cancer treatment, it’s exceptionally important to have support systems in place to assist us. Although there are numerous potential support systems, I’ll address three of the systems which I find the most valuable.
Personal Support System
When you go into any traumatic experience with a very healthy mind, healthy body and strong faith in God and yourself, the ordeal becomes significantly easier to handle because of your solid foundation. If tomorrow you had to deal with a traumatic situation like one of the above, how would you rate yourself on the following on a scale of 1 – 10:
Spiritual Health | Mental Health | Physical Health
Assume that you have the potential to approach a score of 10 on each of the above. Ask yourself: in which area(s) are you in most need of tapping into your potential?
What do you choose to do starting today to improve in that area?
Who will become part of your accountability/support network as you make these changes?
How long will it take before you can approach a total score of 21?
Can you envision a total score that approaches 30? How would you feel with that score?
Are you committed to starting the process today?
If you could choose a “10” in only one category which one do you think it most critical to approach a 10-like score? Why?
Spiritual Support System
One of the many reasons that people of faith are encouraged to worship together and not just in isolation is so that we can support each other in times of trouble. We’re also encouraged to become part of a faith community to help each other grow in our faith and to hold each other accountable. Service to others becomes a major component of spiritual maturation.
When you are missing from church attendance or a group meeting within your faith community for more than a week or two, you will have a family of people who will be calling, visiting and e-mailing to make sure that you’re okay. You are genuinely missed when you’re separate from your small faith community.
Your friends of faith will be there to support your faith at a time when you might be more vulnerable than usual to feelings of negativity or despair. They will be there to listen, call, visit and pray for you during the entire experience.
Spiritual communities allow us to surround ourselves with people who are there to lift us up and support us in our beliefs and values. We are never alone when we’re actively participating within our faith community.
I am now more confident than ever that the power of prayer has the ability to positively impact the people who are in need of the prayers.
Physical Support System
Another group of people that I’d encourage you to participate with on a regular basis is an exercise group – yoga, tennis, racquetball, spin, pilates, basketball, weight training, running, etc. These bodily health-centered groups provide the same benefits as the faith community but, are primarily focused on the physical body. These groups will provide you with friendship and accountability on a daily basis.
My friend Sean from the gym walks into the locker room every day and asks me “What did you weigh today, Bob” before he even says hello. Because of our similar builds, ages and goals, we naturally fell into an accountability habit with each other that is competitive and fun. I’ve maintained my strength and taken off 7 pounds of fat since we began the practice.
Like the faith community, your physical health community will notice when you’re absent too. I receive calls and e-mails from my friends at the gym when I’m away for more than 3 days. It’s a built-in support system of like-minded friends who are committed to their physical health and support you in attaining or maintaining yours.
Change can be intimidating even when it’s proactive change as a result of our awareness of our potential. Prepare yourself to deal with all of life’s events that you’ll be challenged with by developing your mental, spiritual and physical foundation. Utilization of support groups of like-minded people will assist you and support you in your efforts.
A solid foundation helps us deal with unwanted, external change. Remember, most of all: you are never truly alone.
