Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!

Most companies, especially the larger ones are great at creating job descriptions for new and existing employees.  If you’re not familiar with them, they spell out in black and white exactly what the roles and responsibilities are for each position within a company. This minimizes the it’s not my job syndrome.

If the position were for an Executive Assistant, it would say things similar to:

• Handling the calendar for Chief Operating Officer: Scheduling of all meetings, calls, appointments and trips
• Screening and filtering of all incoming telephone calls and e-mail messages
• Creation of Word Processing, Spreadsheet and Presentation documents
• Office hours from 8AM-6PM: will frequently be asked to start early and stay late as requested by the COO

In the business world, we use the term role clarity in a positive light so that each person within the company knows how she/he will be measured at the end of the day, week, month, quarter and year. Role clarity minimizes ambiguity. When roles are clearly defined, employees can relax a little more knowing that they’re meeting expectations as clearly determined by the document created by Human Resources and/or management.

Should we consider creating job descriptions for our roles at home: husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, partner, roommate, etc.? If it’s the norm within the business world, maybe we should make it the norm at home?

Why might we consider doing this?  Are you certain that you’re meeting the expectations of the person or people with whom you share shelter?  Is your significant other meeting or exceeding your expectations?  If not, are you giving them clear and nurturing feedback or just keeping these negative feelings hidden?

Who sets these bars?  We usually set them, but we force the other people to figure out exactly what our standards are.

Keep jumping | Nope, not high enough |  Try again | Nope

Do I really want to know if I’m meeting expectations as a husband and father?

Do I really want to try as hard at home as I do in the outside world?

Feedback stings.  That’s why most of us do whatever we can to avoid it.  If I never ask you how I’m doing, I’ll never be disappointed with your response.  I’ll just keep going on in the ignorant splendor of missing the marks that have been set for me by others.

I think that this is where problems surface within our relationships at home.  What is frequently good enough for the other person is not good enough for us – or vice versa.

The problem at home is that most of us have no idea about exactly what the roles are and how we’re going to meet the expectations of the other person.

Here are some of the areas in which people have differing beliefs on what’s right and how things should be done at home:

Tidiness of the home

Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?

Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?

Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?

I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Tidiness of the home

• Is it okay to leave things on chairs or the floor?
• Do dusting and vacuuming have to occur if we’re not cleaning for company or a party?
• Why do I have to make the bed, I plan on using it again tonight?
• I thought that you were responsible for the dishes and the laundry?

Language used

• Critical versus nurturing environment: I only (criticize) speak this way to you because I love you.  I rarely or never criticize strangers.
• Is it appropriate to swear when it’s only us?
• Why don’t you speak to me as nicely as you do to your clients?

Sleeping schedules

• What is the right time to go to bed?
• What is the right time to get up?
• How late do we sleep-in on the weekend?
• Am I supposed to sleep on your schedule?

Entertainment

• How often should we go out together?
• How often do we go out as a couple? With other couples?
• How often should we vacation? How often with the children? How often without children?
• How often is it okay for me to go out without you (with friends)?
• Do we spend any time together at home when there is not a computer, television or smart phone distracting one or both of us?

Money

• Do I spend too much?
• Do I save too little?
• How much can I donate to charity?
• Why aren’t you making more than you are?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to be earning more than I am?
• Is it my job to pay the bills?

Work

• Will you please put down the iPhone and pay attention to me?
• I’m expected to be home for breakfast and dinner with the family? That eats into my work time!
• How often is it okay for me to be away on business travel?
• I didn’t know that you expected me to work.

Children

• Do you want any?
• How many is enough?
• Will we focus on the children or on each other as our main priority?
• Is it okay to let our relationship slide because of our devotion to the children?

Health

• Did you really expect me to keep the same body that I had when we were dating?
• When am I supposed to find time to exercise?
• I don’t really drink that much or that often.
• I’ll make getting the physical a priority next year.
• If we had more money, I’d eat healthier.

Faith

• I thought that you were going to take on that role with the children.
• I did that growing up but, it’s just not a priority in my life at this time.

Chores

• Who mows, weeds and shovels?
• Who does the dishes, laundry, dusting and vacuuming?

Relationship

• How nice to we have to be to each other at home?
• How often do we date?
• Do we treat each other as well as we treat people outside the home?
• Do we spend enough 1:1 time with each other?
• Are we really listening to each other?
• Are we showing the same level of love to each other that we’re showing to the children?

Maybe we should write out our own role descriptions for our roles at home and share them with the people who share our homes with us?

Maybe we should give the other person feedback on exactly what we’re looking for in our relationship with them?

At the end of your fiscal year, the document can be updated in order to take the relationship to the next level in the coming year.

We’re either growing together, or we’re growing apart.

Growing together is a joy.

Growing apart is painful.

After the roles are defined, negotiated and agreed to by both parties, we’d have a living document that would be reviewed on a periodic basis – monthly, quarterly? Each person would give the other person candid but, nurturing feedback on where things are going well and where there is room for improvement. In my case, I’d receive detailed feedback from my wife and children with a total score of meets, exceeds or failed to meet expectations in every area. Carolyn and the kids will receive detailed feedback from me on where they are meeting, exceeding or failing to meet expectations.

Wow! You mean that we’d all have to perform at home as well as we’re expected to at work or school???

Does that mean that I have to be as nice to the people at my home as I am to my co-workers and customers???

Companies do this so that they can document performance levels that are less than what is required to remain in a particular role.  Documenting the performance levels against the levels of expectations agreed to prior to accepting the job makes it easier to terminate an employee who fails to meet clearly set expectations.  Frequent feedback at work gives the employee the opportunity to improve and meet the role expectations.

Don’t the people that we love at home deserve the same feedback and consideration that we get and give at work and school?  Isn’t there some level of communication that should exist on a very frequent basis between our uttering of the worlds I do and  I do not know if I want to continue in this relationship? Of course there is.

At home, no matter how much we do, say or contribute, we all feel unappreciated at times.

Lack of appreciation from the people we love can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment.

When people are not living up to the expectations that we have of them, this too can cause us to begin resenting the other person. One of the problems with resentment is that only one person is hurting if the other person doesn’t know that he or she is not living up to the expectations of the other.

Although the creation of job descriptions for the our roles at home sounds a little sterile and formal, it would result in the setting of clear expectations for each individual and result in agreement on what a mutually beneficial relationship would look like.  It would create a process for constant communication and continuous feedback.  It would allow us to address issues on a regular basis so that we’d have the opportunity to live up to each other’s expectations and make changes while the problems are still fresh.

The problem that I see in many relationships is that expectations are not being set or met and there is little or no communication about it until the problems are serious enough to require professional help.

If we had to choose whether to treat our families or people outside the home better, wouldn’t it make more sense to treat our families impeccably?

How about getting into the habit of treating all people with love and kindness all the time?  You’ve got the potential to do it!