A good friend’s 6-year old son recently asked his father while looking at a Bowflex ad together, “Dad, why don’t you look like that man?”  My friend smiled at his beautiful son after giving a few seconds of thought to the innocently truthful question and responded, “because I don’t pay attention to my health the way that man does”.

Does my friend have the potential to have a world-class Bowflex body?  Yes.  He just hadn’t made this a priority in his life over the last several years.  In his words, “I’ve settled comfortably into middle class mediocrity”.

We can focus on sports, music, health or anything else and get results. We display our values day-in and day out by how we spend our time.

How much time do you spend on a daily basis investing in yourself? Not work, not your hobbies, not with social media, not your children – on your mind?  on your spirit? on your body?

Have you allowed yourself to settle into mediocrity of self as you’ve devoted time to activities that reduce sense of self instead of increasing sense of self?

It seems that many of us spend a disproportionate amount of time focusing our thought, effort and attention on work (money).  When gainfully employed and making financial ends meet, we tend to justify the imbalance in our lives with the fact that we’re being good providers for ourselves and our families. Because we’re so busy with work and the rest of the activities that monopolize our time every day, we subconsciously block out the aches, pains and feelings in our bodies that are signals of the neglect in the other areas of our lives.

Are you willing to slow down long enough to listen?

A lot of the people who’ve been friends of mine for decades have recently found themselves among the unemployed. They’ve gone from not having any time to devote to themselves mentally, spiritually and physically to having way too much time on their hands after the lay-off.   Many of them are experiencing a tremendous feeling of emptiness and loneliness with the void created without work.

Several of them are questioning their own value now that they can no longer identify themselves with their profession.  Too many people associate their worth with their job or with another person.  When the job ends or a person is no longer involved in their life, the sense of worth evaporates.

You were born without a job and without a significant other and you were considered quite valuable at birth. Your value as a human does not fluctuate like the stock market or like a currency. Your value does not increase or decrease with age.

You’re valuable all the time! I’ll bet that your most valuable asset is the one that gets the least amount of your time on a daily basis.

We’re spiritual beings that are temporarily living in human bodies with human minds. Although our internal value does not fluctuate, if we ignore, or deny our primary worth – our spirituality – we feel lost and ungrounded when we’re not doing. That’s probably why we spend so much time doing and little or no time just being.  We’re afraid of being silent. We’re afraid of what we might start thinking if our brains were not distracted with the incessant noise. What questions would we have to start answering if we gave ourselves time to think?

When we spend time just being – silent and still – we’re able to feel a sense of peace with ourselves and eventually with others.  When spending time on a daily basis in this silent, meditative mode, you may also feel or sense or  presence that seems to come from within.  There is tremendous wisdom inside each of us that only presents itself when we care enough to listen.

This Presence or Spirit manifests itself to us most often when we’re still and silent – in meditation, in nature, in prayer, in church.  This sound of the Spirit gets drowned out by the sound of the iPod, television, radio, trucks, computers, background music and all of the other loud sounds that distract us from ourselves and from the wisdom and Spirit within.

When you wake-up in the morning, how much time do you spend with yourself in silence before reaching for the television remote, your iPod or your cell phone?

Prior to going to sleep at night, how much time to you spend in silence, in gratitude, in communion with self?

Would you benefit from centering yourself and your thoughts in meditation and prayer? What would it be like to deliberately fill your mind and soul with positive thoughts, words and prayers for yourself and others before allowing the very negative outside world to infect your mind? Would you sleep better at night if you spent time in prayer, gratitude or meditation prior to falling asleep?

The silence of your mind and soul is where you are guaranteed to fill yourself with the positive energy to sustain yourself for a period of time so that you’ll be able to deal with the negative energy that begins bombarding you once the television, radio, Blackberry or computer is turned on.

The sense of worth that comes from being in touch with our Spirit within is the cornerstone of our worth.

Why would we even consider spending time acknowledging our spirituality – especially if our lives appear to be going well?

• Our Spirit is the source of our worth.
• It is our connection to our Source, our Creator.
• It is our connection to every other human in the world.
• It is the only piece of our being that is permanent. The mind will die. The body will die.
• Once we acknowledge, accept and embrace this connection, our feelings of isolation  from others and competition with others go away. The isolation is replaced with a sense of belonging with others.
• Spirituality is our source of faith, hope and love.

What would you and I do if we wanted to be a world-class Spirit- one with God and one with other humans – with a never ending supply of faith, hope, love and joy?  That potential is already inside every one of us just waiting to be released like a genie from the bottle.

We’d do the same things that the world-class athletes, musicians and superstars from every field of work do.  We’d allocate time to the things that we consider most important. We’d make our spirituality a priority. We’d read books to understand how others have manifested their world-class spirits. We’d seek out teachers, coaches and mentors to assist us in the process.

Attaching your worth to something that is the most valuable and that never depreciates in value is the guarantee that you’re investing your time wisely – regardless of how much or how little time you invest on a daily basis.

• Companies and jobs will come and go.
• Sporting teams win sometimes and lose much more often.
• Investments appreciate sometimes and depreciate quite frequently.
• Cars, homes, jewelry and other material goods decay and usually decline in value.
• We earn money. We spend money.  It doesn’t matter how much we earn, there is still something missing.
• Video games are a fun distraction. What are they distracting us from?

Associating our sense of value with anything that is outside of us is a recipe for disappointment.

When your sense of worth goes up because of the high value that you place on your spiritual health, your connection to other humans and your connection to God, you also find yourself speaking to yourself and others much more kindly.  Love starts pouring out of your body – even when you’re not speaking. It’s evident in the sparkling of your eyes and your tranquil body language.

You’ll also start taking better care of your physical body because you know that it truly is the temple where your Spirit has chosen to live.

Our minds, bodies and spirits are all connected.  When the Spirit is acknowledged and appreciated, we immediately start valuing our minds and bodies and treat them as miraculous gifts too.

Can you envision buying a beautiful new car and having it delivered to your home?  It’s clean on the outside and freshly waxed. The inside was just detailed. The car just received the proper amount of high quality oil.  The windshield washer fluid receptacle is full. You turn the key in the ignition but, nothing happens.  Not only is there no gas in the car but, you’re unaware that the source of energy for your car even exists.  You’re confused as to why you continue to turn the key and the car won’t move.

Something must be missing.

Your detailed body is beautiful but, somehow feels empty.

You drink 8 bottles of expensive bottled water every day but, still feel unquenched.

The organic food that you eat is healthy but, something inside still craves more.

You’re earning lots of money but, never seem to have enough.

Something must be missing.

When we’re running our lives on spiritual empty, we’re trying to live and move at 65MPH with our energy tank on E.

You have time to do many things well. You have time to invest in yourself mentally, spiritually and physically AND succeed in the other roles in your life.  Might you have to cut-back on other activities which you deem to be less important in order to nourish yourself?  Yes.

You are a priority.

It’s very easy to love others and be accepting of others when our spiritual tanks are full.

Fill your  spiritual tank on a daily basis and enjoy the feelings of worth, joy and unity that come from within.

Family Time  | Social Time  | Physical Health Time

Work Time  | Education Time  | Community Service Time

Spiritual Time

We allocate time on a daily basis to the people and activities which we value the most.  Time management is a function of our values. Whether we realize it or not, we display our values each and every minute of the day by how we spend out time. Since that’s the case, this is a great time to begin allocating your time intentionally.

How would you rate how well your life is balanced?  If you were to create a bar graph in a spreadsheet that showed how well you’re doing based upon your potential in every area of your life, would the height of each of the bars be equal or are you doing significantly better in some areas of your life than in others?

If you said that you’re doing much better in some areas than others, you’d me among the vast majority of people. Why is that?

According to estimates, most people  – approximately 97% – do not have goals.  Without goals, we’re taking life my chance and not intentionally creating the ideal life.  Once you’ve decided what your goals are in every area of your life in which you’d like to improve, you can then prioritize them according to your values – most important to least important.

A next logical step would be to create and allocate specific times on your calendar on a daily basis for the people and activities that you value most.

During what time of the day will I exercise tomorrow?  For how long?

When will I be able to call or visit my Mom?

Will I be able to be with my family for at least one family meal? Breakfast?  Dinner?

When will I have silent time for meditation or prayer or yoga?

When will I begin work and commit to leaving work?

There are certain things that you and I allocate time for EVERY day – meals, bathing, etc.  Some people allocate specific time for watching the news, reading the newspaper and other activities.  Would you like to add specific time every day to invest in yourself, your family, your community?

By following the exact same process that we use for meals and bathing, we can deliberately allocate time every day for the things that we value but, are currently not doing.

When we increase our expectations of what we’re able to accomplish on a daily basis because of our new priorities, we end up accomplishing what we value most and become more productive with our time.  DId you ever notice that on the days where you have a lot to accomplish, you accomplish a lot?  We have that same potential every day. When we intend to accomplish a lot, we end-up wasting very little time.

Habits and routines are good things when they’re good habits and good routines. Setting new goals and priorities causes us to modify our existing routines and habits to make room for our new valuable habits.

Some of us are morning people and others are night owls.  There is no right time of day to accomplish what your heart desires. The key is to be deliberate about routinely blocking time on your calendar for the activities that you value the most.  When that activity reminder pops us on your calendar, it’s time to switch gears.

Sometimes a calendar pop-up triggers the transition from one part of our life to the next.

Sometimes it’s a venue change – from work to home.

Sometimes it’s a change of clothing that triggers that it’s time to enter another segment of my life which I value.

By compartmentalizing your life into activities that are of most importance to you, you’re also saying no to activities that are of lesser or no value. When you’ve committed time on your calendar to yourself or to another person that you value, it makes it easy to say no to the extra demands from others.

Are any of you old enough to remember the old children’s television show Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood?  I watched that show on a daily basis as a young boy.  Mr. Rogers used a sweater (zippered cardigan) to signal when it was time to leave his land of make believe and go back to the reality of his every day life.  When in the land of make believe, he always had on his cardigan. When he left, the cardigan would go into the closet and he’d transition into another jacket which signaled to him that this compartment of his day had ended and it is now time to enter another segment of the day.

You and I can accomplish the same thing with clothing, calendars and/or deliberate venue changes.

I’m a morning person. As soon as I awaken in the morning, I take off my pajamas and immediately put-on exercise clothing.  That initial  clothing change signifies that the body rest time of day has ended and it’s now time to invest in my personal health (no excuses) time of day.  While in my workout clothing, I meditate, pray, read the bible, eat breakfast and recite affirmations from the solitude of my home (or hotel room when traveling).  After I finish with that routine, it’s off to the gym to exercise my body. I choose this time of day for these activities because I’m a morning person and because this is a no excuses time of day for me.  Most of the world has not interest in speaking or meeting with me during this Bob Time.  This is a sacred of time each day in which I invest in the health of my entire being.

Once I’m finished at the gym, I shower and put on clothing for work. Depending on the day, it will be either business attire to speak in front of a group or shorts or jeans if it’s a day to write or be on the radio.  Again, the change of clothing signifies that the mind/body/spirit time of my day has ended and it’s now time for the business portion of the day.

If I’m working around my home, my wife and I agree on what time we’ll be eating lunch and dinner together and who’s responsible for dinner preparation. Once the time and roles are agreed upon, I know exactly when my business day will end and when I’ll transition into time that is dedicated 100% to my wife (and children when they’re home).  Because lunch and dinner have to do with food, and because I’ve been known to occasionally spill food (only on good clothing, never on clothes that I don’t care about), my transition into lunch and dinner happen with one of my favorite aprons.  Yes, I said an apron.  Not just any apron either. One of my favorites is an apron that looks like a men’s black-tie and tuxedo. I’ve been wearing that apron since 1998 (I got it at a computer trade show many moons ago in New Orleans and there is a date at the bottom).  My family and friends know that I always wear an apron while in the kitchen and during meals. The apron is a sign of family, food, friends and entertaining. Our friends – Dreana and Greg – bought me a fire-engine red apron from Newport, RI last summer which reads, I may be crabby but, I’m cute! The aprons are a signal to me that I’ve finished work and am now focused on family and food.

If the evening does not require leaving the home, at some point after dinner in the early evening, I’ll transition into my best Hugh Hefner attire which signals that it’s time to relax with family, read the paper and transition into sleep time.

When we know what the ideal day should look like, it’s easy to intentionally create it. Using a calendar to block-off time, clothing-changes and venue changes are three ways of compartmentalizing your life so that one area of life does not encroach upon and steal time from any of the other important areas in which you choose to grow.

There was an article in the January 25th edition of USA Today submitted by the Associated Press, Bin Laden praises attempted Christmas attack. While Bin Laden is praising the heroic warrior Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab who unsuccessfully tried to blow-up a U.S. airliner on Christmas Day, the article quotes him as saying, “If our messages had been able to reach you through words, we wouldn’t have been delivering them through planes.”

I wonder if he truly means it?  I wonder if he tried speaking with us and we either didn’t listen to him or we just heard what we wanted to hear?

Is it possible that each of us is part of the problems which exist on a global basis?  Are we isolating ourselves from problems that exist around the world?  Do we tend to focus too much on ourselves and the interests of our country?

We all want to be heard. Humans will do anything to receive attention. Although we’d prefer positive attention, if we can’t get enough of it, we’ll accept negative attention. Is terrorism a way of getting attention from people who appear to be living in isolation?

Have you ever had to yell, scream or punch a wall to get somebody’s attention?

Have you ever ignored what a child or spouse was saying to you because you were pre-occupied with something else that seemed more important than another human?

I wonder if Osama Bin Laden would try speaking with us again?  I wonder if he’d meet with me in the location of his choosing to have a civil one-on-one conversation about how to stop the killing in the world by replacing hatred with love?

What I know about Islam is that its’ followers profess tremendous love for Allah.  Devout Muslims pray 5 times per day. Islam is an Abrahamic faith that has much in common with Judaism and Christianity.  It is a faith which demonstrates tremendous love and compassion for Allah and others.

Many despicable acts have been accomplished throughout history in the name of religion.  Religion, like a tongue, can be used to bring love or to bring hatred.  Neither religion nor the tongue is bad – it is how it is used by the owner. Development of God-like loving and compassionate thoughts trains our tongues to be instruments of peace.

How can any person who professes to love God, kill in that God’s name?  Probably in much the same way that parents and children hurt each other on a daily basis with their words.

Each of us is being called to do the exact opposite of killing in God’s name: each one of us is called to love in God’s name.  It is love that is our true being and at the heart of our souls.  It is God’s love which created us and sustains our very life on a daily basis.  It’s only when we’re shielded from God’s words and God’s Spirit that we act un-Godly. It’s when we intentionally separate ourselves from our Creator that we become hateful, selfish, miserable and hurtful.

Would Osama Bin Laden really like to put an end to the wars in the world?  I would.

Would he like to discuss how we can begin educating the world so that ignorance would stop breeding hatred? Would he like to replace the hatred which exists in the hearts and souls of people with love?  I would.

Would he like to bring knowledge about God’s love for every single human to each of our 6.7 billion brothers and sisters?  I would.

Would he like to eliminate the doubt which exists in the minds of millions with a faith that only brings joy and love to self and others?  I would.

Would he like to replace the darkness that is clouding the souls of millions of people with a light that comes from the love of God?  I would.

Our planet is way beyond the point of  thinking and acting locally and selfishly.   It is our small minds and selfish thinking that have the world in the state in which it’s in today.  Each of is is a part of one Global Tribe.  We are one huge family.  Yes, many of us are not speaking with each other.  Yes, many of us are waiting for the other family member to admit that he or she is wrong.  Yes, many of us are turning our heads to the realities that are being faced by our family members.

Each of us has the potential to admit that we’ve been wrong and are part of the problem.  Once we admit that we have a global problem, we can commence with the global solution.  Selfish solutions from one country or one faith will not work in solving universal problems.

Each of us was created in the image and likeness of God. No one of us is more valuable in God’s eyes than another just because of a particular name, faith, family or net worth.  Each of us is a child of God and deserves to be treated with love, dignity and respect.  Together, each of us makes up one global family.  Each of us is a member of this family.  When one of us suffers, we all suffer.

Like a small paper cut can bring tremendous pain to us even when the rest of our body is healthy, any individual or groups of people who are in pain across the world bring pain to our global body.  Our global body is covered with numerous band-aids and many of our minor cuts are now seriously infected.

In a global body, amputation of an individual, country or faith is not a realistic remedy.  Love, compassion and understanding are the remedies to solve this body’s wounds.

Yesterday I spoke of reading comments made by Osama Bin Laden.  Today I issue the following letter, in hopes of furthering the previously stated desire to share my belief that all faiths and religions proclaim love for God and love of others. We cannot be a global community if we are each separated by faith, religion, creed, color, gender, or orientation. We must be willing to understand one another. We must put aside our differences long enough to hear one another. Only then will we be a successful global community.

Mr. Bin Laden:

If you choose to speak with me, you’ll be speaking with a citizen of the world who happens to have a mailing address in the United States. I am not a member of any government or political organization.  I am aware of the suffering, poverty, ignorance and helplessness that is going on in many parts of the world. I am also aware of the ignorance and selfishness that are running rampant in the industrialized, wealthy nations.

Ignorance is nothing more than a lack of knowledge, education and awareness.  I would like to bring education, love, hope, faith and prosperity to each of the world’s 6.7 billion humans.

You are currently influencing the minds of millions of your followers with messages of hatred and death.  You can be part of the solution if you’re still willing to use words of love and hope instead of airplanes and other weapons of destruction to get the world’s attention.

You have the potential and the ability to restore Islam as a faith of love and peacefulness in the minds of the ignorant who only associate it as one of hatred and killing.  You have the potential to refocus your followers to assist in solving the problems that exist in the world with their brains and their love.

You have the potential to redeem yourself by helping to create answers to the problems that you so deeply care about.

If you’re still willing to talk, I am willing to listen. I will seek to understand. Let’s bring people together with love in God’s name and put an end to the ignorance and hatred which exist only in the absence of God’s Spirit.

Sincerely,

Bob

Osama Bin Laden caught my attention in the newspaper last week. I’m requesting a meeting with him to discuss the following subjects and anything else that may be on his mind.

There is one Creator of the world.  Everything I know about that Creator keeps bringing me back to one word – Love.

If this Creator is associated with love, why does so much hatred exist?

Some of us don’t believe in this Creator because we don’t want to work too hard to come to really know and establish a relationship with God.  All relationships take work and because many of us are having a hard enough time working on relationships at work, school and home, we don’t have much left in our tanks to try and figure out this Creator who may or may not exist.

What better use of our time could there be than to learn how to sustain inner-peace, hope and love at all times?  Our minds, souls and world peace depend on that investment in ourselves.  Peace is established one mind at a time.

Many people who were born into a faith or who have developed faith later in life have come to know God because of a particular religion. I’ve come to know and love God through Christianity.  I am thankful for that gift on a daily basis.

That very faith has taught me that each person on the planet is my brother and sister. It’s taught me that it’s my responsibility to love each and every one of my brothers and sisters.

Once I chose to become aware of other faiths, and their predominance in countries and continents around the world, I now know that billions of great people around the world have come to know and love God through many other faiths.  My faith asks me to love each and every one of them.

How we come to know and love God is much less important to me than the love that we show to God and to each other.  People of differing faiths have much to teach each other as we work toward building our love and compassion for each other. As I’ve begun studying other faiths, that knowledge has helped me to increase and solidify my Christian faith.  The knowledge of other faiths has also allowed me to respect and appreciate our diverse paths that lead to the same outcomes:

• Love of God
• Love of all humans
• Unity with and dependence upon each other

I’ve yet to read a word about any faith or religion which does not proclaim love for God and love of others.

David Kundtz

Considered an inspirational nutritionist, David Kundtz provides soulful insights that remind us what matters most.

David has enjoyed several careers, including 18 years in religious ministry and 20 years in the practice of psychotherapy, public speaking on stress and emotional health, and writing.

Born in Cleveland, Ohio, and schooled in Washington, Baltimore, and Berkeley, David holds graduate degrees in both psychology and theology and a doctorate in pastoral psychology.

He also spent several years in Idaho and Cali, Columbia, finally settling between Kensington, California and Vancouver, British Columbia. He is also an adjunct professor at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley and is a member of the Board of Directors of GroundSpark.

David offers reflections, stories, and wise guidance that remind us to live in a state of awareness about the reality that always exists in front of our faces, under our noses, or just below the surface of every moment. He can be reached through his website: Stopping.com.

Beautiful, new and stylish clothing.

Dinners at impressive restaurants.

Newly sculpted, leaner, healthy body.

Multiple course, home-made  meals.

Noticing everything positive about the person.

Smiling and hanging on every word the other person says.

Perfectly groomed, manicured and scented.

Sending gifts, text messages, flowers to show how thoughtful and kind we are.

Those are examples of things that people do when they’re dating or in a relatively new relationship.  If you’re in a new relationship, many of those behaviors are probably very familiar to you – right?  If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, I hope that you’re maintaining the I still love you enough to treat you like gold behaviors.

One of the men that I know was recently commenting to another friend about his recent 25-30 pound weight loss.  He proudly said, I haven’t been this weight since I was in college (he’s in his forties now)! Why do I think that he decided to lose the weight now after 20+ years of maintaining extra insulation around his torso?  He’s newly divorced and back among the dating.

When we’re trying to attract a new partner, we try to present ourselves as being better than we are when we’re just being ourselves. We seem to put on a show long enough to get what we want and then we slip-back into our old behaviors. In the case of my friend, his unhealthy, heavier body was good enough for himself, his wife and his kids but, it wasn’t good enough for the new person he has yet to attract.

What caused him to put the additional weight on over the course of the marriage?

Did his wife put on the additional weight too?

Was it only the weight-gain or were there other signs that people were being treated at lower levels of respect than when the relationship commenced?

One of the professions that many people dislike and find disingenuous is salesperson.  I think that one of the reasons for the dislike is that stereotypical salespeople have the reputation of being smiley, pleasant, responsive and attentive when trying to bring on a new customer.  Once the customer has been sold, many salespeople either disappear or drastically reduce the quality and quantity of support that was shown when the client was still a prospect.

Many salespeople treat their prospects better than they treat their customers.

Many humans treat people better during the courting/dating stages than they do once the relationship has matured into a committed state.

I wonder if we were bad judges of character when we originally got into the relationship that we’re in (or used to be in) or if one of us or both of us just got comfortable, satisfied and lazy?

I don’t think I’ll shave today.

These sweatpants look good with these flip flops.

Sure, I’ve put on a little weight but, ……….

Yes, I used to open the car door but, that’s when we were dating.

It’s a lot of work making the bed and we’re just going to use it again tonight.

Sure I’m critical but, have you seen the way she ….

Why do we often treat strangers more kindly than we treat the people we’re close to?

We all know the answer to that.  When we’re in relationships, many of us become comfortable and settle-down into comfort zones. It’s almost as if we say, because I’m so comfortable with you and our relationship, I’ve let myself go and no longer go out of my way to treat you like the special person you are.

All of the results that we get in our relationships and entire life are a result of our thoughts.  That’s really good news because that means that we can change at any time with the simple updating or changing of a thought.

We have the exact amount of creativity and energy to accomplish every single goal that we set.

(Please pick one)

Is your goal to maintain the quality of your relationship?

Is your goal to improve the quality of your relationship?

Is your goal to decrease the quality of your relationship?

I don’t believe that anyone intentionally wants to decrease the quality of a relationship.  The best way to make sure that it doesn’t happen is to be intentional about what you do want.

In relationships and every aspect of your life, please ask yourself, what is my intent?

Yes, I’m asking you to be a very thoughtful person in regards to your relationships.  We’re always thoughtful when we’re trying to impress.  I think that many of us become thoughtless once we have what we want.

Energy and creativity shut-off once our goal has been accomplished.

What would be some of the thoughts or beliefs that we might hold if we wanted our relationships to maintain or improve-upon the quality  they were when the relationship began?  I’ll use the word partner as a substitute for : significant other, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, etc.

• I pay attention to my partner and listen intently because she’s the center of my life.
• I enjoy dressing neatly and nicely the way I did when we were dating.
• Because I respect myself and my partner, I maintain the same healthy body that I had when we met.
• I impress my partner with a multiple course, home-made candle-lit meal at least once per month.
• I take my partner on a date at least once per week.
• I pay attention to my partner’s positive traits and qualities and vocalize them with sincere appreciation.
• I leave hand-written love notes for my partner periodically to show that I’m still infatuated.
• I happily send text messages and e-mails  periodically when I’m thinking about my partner while at work or on a business trip.
• I listen intently to each word she speaks and treat her as if she’s the most important person in the room.

The love, respect, kindness and civility that we show for our partners is the result of the crystal-clear thoughtful intentions and expectations that we hold in our mind.

Can you envision what your relationship would be like if you and your partner intentionally committed to treating each other like you were still dating – forever?  Do you like the vision that you’re seeing in your mind?  I do too.

I’m going to go and leave a hand-written note for my wife and leave it underneath the windshield wiper on her car like we used to do to each other when we were in college.

Dating is exciting – even after 25 years!

I make it a goal to learn new things every single day that will help me to improve as a human. I go into each and every conversation eagerly listening to the person to determine what it is that I can learn from this unique person with his or her unique perspectives.

I’m finding it hard to keep up with the lessons as I’m bombarded in almost every conversation with an ah-ha. Everyone has something to teach me.

A little over 20 years ago I got a new job for which I had zero prior experience – father. Because I was blessed to have my fantastic father, Oscar Felix Gregoire (another story for another day for those of you old enough to remember The Odd Couple), as a mentor for the first 35 years of my life, I used him as a model for my new, and most important, role.

When we find ourselves in over our head, we seek help.

My family was blessed to have a father who provided financially for our family. In those days, it was very common to have the mother stay at home and that’s exactly what my Mom did. Because my parents were products of the depression, they did not spend money frivolously. I learned that my Dad made enough money so that we were always well-fed (my childhood pictures show that I was perhaps too well fed!), well-dressed, sheltered and most importantly, loved. By example, I’ve tried to pass on these same gifts to my children. We learn from our parents.

My Dad loved music but, never stuck with his violin lessons long enough to play an instrument. Because of that lifelong regret, he made sure that each of his children learned how to play an instrument-whether they wanted to or not.  I’ve been playing the piano since I was 5 and progressed enough musically so that I was in a band while in college. My father took great pleasure watching his sons enjoy the gift of music in a way that he never could. I saw tears in his eyes as he watched my brother Bill sing and play in his band. He had tears in his eyes watching me too but, that was for another reason. Carolyn and I passed on the gift of music to our kids who both started taking piano lessons at the age of 5.  We learn from our parents.

Our family went to our Catholic church EVERY week and on holy days of obligation. I know that in many families it’s the Mom who is the more disciplined when it comes to matters of spirituality, God and faith. Our family had two parents who served as  strong spiritual mentors. My Dad never missed going to church.  It was not a chore that he did reluctantly. Sunday was my parent’s day to sleep-in (or that’s what I believed when I was young, innocent and naive!). After a good night’s sleep, prayer, exercise and bathing, my Dad would arrive at the breakfast table shining clean and smelling of after shave ravenous for a breakfast of bacon, eggs, juice, toast and coffee followed by church.  Life is good!  We learn from our parents.

He prayed each and every morning. I can see him jogging in place in his bedroom with his rosary beads in his hand jiggling up and down with each step. I could see his lips moving silently to the words of the Our Father. He never told me to say the rosary but, I saw him saying it and saw him going to church and figured that if these things contributed to this great man being who he is, then even though I don’t completely understand why, I’ll take his lead. Carolyn and I have been bringing our kids to church since they were born and are encouraging them to do so now that they’ve become young adults.  We learn from our parents.

Those were some of the great gifts that I learned from my Dad. How lucky was I??? I know with 100% confidence that he and my Mom always provided us with the best information that they knew and tried to pass-on the best habits that they knew – always by example.

When I graduated from high school and had to think about what was next in my life, I considered doing many things.  When I came up with the idea that I’d like to pursue medicine and become a doctor, my beautiful, all-knowing Dad talked me out of it for very good reasons (in his mind). Doctor’s don’t have a life of their own. They’re always on call. They’re forced to work long hours and can get interrupted at any time of the day, night or weekend. I don’t think that my father had completely envisioned future technological advances such as cell phones, pagers and Blackberry’s that would come to make every worker in almost every profession available to customers and employers every minute of every day.

My son, James, told us a couple of years ago that he’d like to become a doctor – most likely a psychologist. It’s not my job to tell him what his purpose is or is not. It’s his job to figure that out.  Carolyn and I are here for support and feedback if he wants it.  I needed to learn that from a new mentor. My initial parenting mentor – my Dad – wasn’t capable of teaching me that new quality.

Frequently, we need to seek new mentors because our existing mentors have taken us as far as they’re able.

Everyone wants what’s best for you – especially your parents. At some point in our lives, it’s you and I who have to determine what’s best for us – not our parents, not our bosses, not our teachers, not our friends. One of the problems we have is that there is too much noise to be able to hear ourselves think.  Because everyone seems to have advice for us and because there is always an electronic device attached to our eardrums – iPod, cell phone, Blackberry – many of us never get the luxury of any quiet time. Quiet time for what?

Quiet time allows us the following luxuries:

• Time to collect our thoughts about what is working in our lives.
• Time to collect our thoughts about the things that are not working.
• Time to listen to our souls speak to us and guide us toward our real passions and purpose.
• Time to allow our thoughts to slow down enough to listen to our most important mentor speak – God.
• Time to pay attention to our dreams. The dreams in our minds and the dreams that we experience during the night.
• Time to allow our souls to communicate with our Creator without any barriers or distractions.
• Time to decide what’s really important and what activities should be stopped or delegated.

Go into the chamber and shut the door behind you, and pray to your father who is in secret, the one who is innermost. But what is within them all is the fullness. Beyond it there is nothing inside. This is the place they call the uppermost. –Jesus

The answers that you seek are inside yourself.  The answers come to us when we’re silent enough to listen.

The experts advise us to surround ourselves with mentors who can lead, guide and advise us on our journey.  I agree with them.  I also believe that we have to know where we’re going in this lifetime and after this lifetime so that we can know whom to choose as mentors and where we’d like them to assist us in going.  Those answers have to come from you.

As Dave Matthews so smoothly sings to us, where are you going?

Allow yourself silent time on a daily basis to answer that question.

Once we figure that out, everything seems to magically fall into place.

Listen to yourself |  Listen to your soul |  Listen to God

2010 will be a great year if you decide that it will be.  It’s up to you.

This year’s success or failure has nothing to do with the economy, the weather, the politicians, the stock market or your employer.

This year and every year’s success is played out in your mind.  Although you do not control the economy, the weather, or what other people say and do, you do have control over the most significant factor in what will determine this year’s success.  You have control over your thoughts.

Your thoughts today are the foundation for your tomorrows.

A friend at the gym last week told me a really good joke and I smiled.  I took my 20-year old son to dinner last night and I smiled.  I sent a text message to my 15-year old daughter that night that said, You are loved, and I smiled at her response.  I ate leftovers for lunch this past weekend with my wife and son and I smiled throughout the meal.  I meditated and  read scripture this morning and smiled.  I read a book yesterday afternoon and smiled at least once on almost every single page. I find myself smiling a lot because I seem to have created the ideal life for myself.  The normal every day activities like exercise, reading and eating have become ideal. Each and every situation that I find myself in is a result of forethought.

I’ve been fortunate to have been surrounded by people, companies and institutions that have trained me in the art of controlling my thoughts.  Nobody is allowed to get inside of your head without your permission.  That means that it’s possible to live in a constant state of bliss by filling our minds with whatever thoughts we choose.

Did you know that you get to choose what enters your mind much like you get to choose what you put into your stomach?

Do you give more thought as to what enters your mouth and stomach or what enters your mind?

Some of us don’t think about what we’re putting into our stomachs. Many of us don’t give any thought as to what we’re allowing to enter into our minds. Let’s start thinking!

If you wanted to intentionally put information into your mind, how would you do it?  What would you read?  Who would you listen to? When would you do it?  How often would you do it?

Since this is going to be a great and ideal year, what are you going to choose to put into your mind? Know this:  whatever you choose to put into your mind eventually ends up coming out of your mouth and manifesting itself in your reality.

Because great things frequently take a while to manifest themselves, changing your thoughts today will result in improvement somewhere in the future – in a day, in a week, a month, in six months. But,  you don’t have to wait that long to begin feeling better.

The simple act of changing our present thoughts makes us feel better – instantly!  Our present thoughts are  the only things that we actually do control.  Our present thoughts do determine our future. For that reason, today is the best day to begin paying attention to your thoughts.  It’s a great day to eliminate any and all of the negative thoughts that you’re holding in your mind about yourself and about others.   In the place where those negative thoughts used to make their home, fill that space with positive thoughts about yourself and the world around you.

Creation is a result of our thoughts. Whether we realize it or not, you and I create 24 hours of thoughts and activities each and every day.  If it seems like you’re just going through the motions, in the same places, with the same people, day after day, week after week, you probably are. If you and I don’t create new thoughts, our brains keep using the same old ones and recreating the same old life.

A good friend and mentor of mine taught me to begin thinking in ideals. Thinking in ideals sounds like this in our minds:

Ideally, what would I do this weekend?

Ideally, when would I get up?

Ideally, who would I spend it with?

Ideally, what would we do?

Ideally, where would we go?

Ideally, would I build in time to exercise?

Ideally, would I have time to pray and meditate?

Ideally, where would we spend Saturday?

Ideally, where would we spend Sunday?

Ideally, where would we eat?

When we utilize this thinking in ideals mentality, we’re using our forethought to think into the future and picture ourselves looking, feeling, thinking, acting and being the people that we’re capable of becoming. If you haven’t been told this lately, you have tremendous potential!

As we become aware of our thoughts, we become intentional about keeping them positive.  When we look forward we see positive results. We see happiness, We see health. We see love.  We see compassion.  We see prosperity. We see kindness.

You can easily begin this process today without having it feel overwhelming by intentionally visualizing the ideal tomorrow.  What would it look like?  Who would you be with?  How would you behave at work? When would you exercise?  What would you eat? When would you deliberately spend time speaking with people who are in need of your attention?

A great time to visualize the ideal tomorrow is in bed at night before going to sleep. When you engage in the process of using your forethought to project yourself into tomorrow, you’re successfully rehearsing in your mind an ideal tomorrow before it ever happens.  Highly efficacious people look forward and they see success. Who determines what ideal is?  You do!

Here is another way to look at the process of utilizing your forethought to create the ideal day (and eventually, ideal life).  As you’re laying in bed at night visualizing the ideal tomorrow, think to yourself, When tomorrow is all over and I’m reviewing my ideal day tomorrow night, what did I do?, how did I act?, how did I feel?, how did I treat people?, how did I improve?

The next logical step in the process is to begin using forethought to create your future further into the future. Start with the ideal week and then the ideal month and then the ideal year, and so on.

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other (hu)man.  The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. –Hindu Proverb  Positive forethought is the art of looking into the future and seeing improvement in every aspect of yourself.

Look out as far into the future as you can see.  Is it a week? Is it a month? Is it a quarter? Is it a year? Where would you like to be superior to how you are today? Ideally, what would your self-talk sound like?

Ideally, what would your words be like when speaking to others? Would they be nurturing or would they be critical?
Ideally, what would you be doing to passionately earn your living?
Ideally, what would you be doing to serve others within your community?
Ideally, where would you be living?
Ideally, how would you describe your faith?  Your relationship with God?  Your love and compassion for self and others?
Ideally, what type of physical health can you envision for yourself?
Ideally, in what areas would your wisdom and knowledge grow?
Ideally, what would be your social activities (golf, tennis, travel, playing cards, etc.) and who would you be socializing with?
Ideally, how would you improve your relationship with your family and friends?
Ideally, answer every single question that has been haunting your mind with your ideal solution to every nagging question.

So, 2010 was a great year!  Congratulations.  It’s now December 31, 2010 at 10PM and you’re at the perfect New Year’s Eve event surrounded by the exact people that you expected to be with this evening and you’re reviewing in your mind just what made 2010 so great for you. What are you saying to yourself???????

2010 was a great year because I intentionally created and visualized the ideal year for myself in my mind last January. Throughout the entire year, I monitored and controlled my self-talk and kept it positive. I created present-tense affirmations in every area of my life where I knew that I had the potential to improve and read those affirmations at least two times each day.

Here are the ideals that I envisioned for myself last January that have come into being………

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a single pathway in the mind.  To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again.  To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. –Thoreau

What is Thoreau telling us above?  He’s saying that if we want to have meaningful and lasting change in any aspect of our lives, that thought has to become grooved into our mind, thoughts and being so that whatever it is that we’ve resolved to do or become it is  natural for us to do so- it becomes second nature.

I want to stop biting my nails.

I’m going to go back to school.

I’m going to eat at restaurants less often.

I want to stop smoking.

I’m going to get a new job.

I want to cut back on my alcohol consumption this year.

I’m going to lose weight.

They are all examples of resolutions that many of us make at the beginning of a new year. A synonym for resolve is to decide.  Inside of our minds we’ve intentionally decided to be different. Our intentions are always good and noble when we resolve to change.  We see a vision of ourselves that is better in our minds than what we’re currently experiencing in our reality and we become dissatisfied. This is a very good dissatisfaction because we know that we have a tremendous amount of potential inside of us that we’re currently not utilizing. When we knowingly underutilize our potential and our gifts we get strong feelings inside of us cheering us on to improve.

If we get this vision of our improved self in our mind that is emotionally appealing to us, then why do we sometimes (frequently) go back to our old ways?  It’s because the old way of thinking, acting, believing has become deeply grooved into our being.  The old thought is stronger and more firmly imprinted in our minds than the new one. The old emotion is stronger and more firmly planted in our subconscious than the new emotion. Don’t fret, there is a way to make the intentional changes that we desire for ourselves our new and improved second nature.

I’ve come to think of our soul as the divine piece of our being that is our true and best version of our self.  In my mind, that soul is a beautiful, radiant, glossy shade of  white when we are in alignment with God and our highest self.  I visualize this very bright and shining soul being its happiest when we’re approaching a 100% healthy body, a 100% positive mind, 100% utilization of our talents and 100% attached and connected with the Source of all life.  Please don’t get hung-up on my 100% figure. I know that we’re never at 100%. That number is based upon whatever you can possibly envision yourself doing as of this minute.  Once we begin making progress in our lives, seeing a new, higher vision of ourselves becomes an almost daily happening. Human beings think in pictures and we need to visualize these targets of our highest self in our minds.

When we’re in or approaching this state, the brightness of our internal soul is shining through our skin via our eyes, our smiles and our extended arms and hands ready to love, hug and assist others.  In this state our soul is connected to God and living its’ highest purpose.

When the soul is not as white as it could be it’s time to apply some cleansing much like we’d administer a teeth whitening application when our pearly whites have become stained from abuse by coffee, tea or red wine. The daily discipline of intentionally changing the messages in our minds of who we are and how we are to live parallels the act of brushing our teeth 2-3 times per day with a whitening toothpaste.  Our teeth are never perfectly white after one brushing. The daily discipline does result in gradual improvement with each and every brushing. The same thing happens with our thoughts.

Here are three of the best recommendations that I can make to anyone who has become a little discouraged after already bending or breaking the resolutions that were set a couple of weeks ago:

Write the resolution(s) down on a piece of paper or a 3 X 5 index card so that you can keep it with you at all times and recite it multiple times throughout the day. The repetition of the resolution multiple times per day creates the process of creating the deep and lasting pathway in your mind that Thoreau described above. The process allows you to sculpt the new you that you can see in your mind. With this process, your emotional words repeated with feeling and resolve several times per day create  positive feelings and images that you want to become grooved in your mind to intentionally reveal the new and improved you.

Write each of your resolutions in an affirmation format:

1. Be sure that the one-sentence affirmation is in the present tense. You are telling yourself that this is how you are already.
2. Affirmations are personal. You can only affirm for yourself. It will contain the words I, me, or my.
3. Be sure that your resolution/affirmation contains the feeling/emotion that you’re feeling as you envision yourself at the new level of excellence – happy, excited, joyful, ecstatic, confident, healthy, etc.
4. Be sure that you are specific with what you are resolving to become. The exact income.  The exact weight. The exact education that you desire.
5. Be sure to not compare yourself to anyone else.  You’re trying to create the ideal YOU.  Your affirmation should not have words like better, bigger, smarter, etc.
6. The affirmation must be positive.  It’s okay to know what we don’t want in our life but, it’s critical that we affirm what we do want – healthy lungs, constructive language, advanced degrees, unconditional love, etc.

If you’ve already bent or broken your own new rules, forgive yourself.  You and I aren’t perfect – yet.  It’s way okay to make mistakes.  It’s not okay to give up on realizing your higher self.  Forgive yourself and have faith in yourself.  If your goals are in alignment with your highest self, you’re merely striving to become what you were always meant to become at this stage of your awareness and maturity.  You have the strength inside of you to release this potential that has been lying dormant. You may have to call upon this internal strength inside of you that has been ignored.

Invite God to be with you in your resolution and in every aspect of your life. A relationship with God can be the least formal and most important relationship in your entire life.  If you’ve made resolutions in the past and not accomplished them, one reason may be that you were trying to do it – and everything else in your life – by yourself.  When we try doing everything alone,  it’s very easy to notice our egos at work. When we ask God to be with us today, this hour, this minute and this second, we’re inviting the Source of our life to be with us, guide us and assist us with our progress and direction.  Our objective is to have our goals aligned with God’s desires for us. Here are some ways of informally inviting God to be with you as you strive to change and tap into your potential.

1. Dear God, please help me today to…..
2. God, I’m feeling weak at this minute. Please give me the strength to…
3. Father, I’ve failed several times in the past when trying to accomplish this alone.
4. Today, I’m asking to you please be with me to assist me to ……
5. God, with your help, I know that anything is possible. Please keep me focused and strong as I ……

Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knocks and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. –Luke 17

Improvement is one of the best feelings that I know.  As we begin to notice ourselves becoming the people that we know we’re capable of becoming, that improvement becomes the fuel which will propel us forward towards completion of each of our resolutions.