When the words being spoken by an individual or group of people are inconsistent with the levels of excellence that the organization (family, church, school, etc.) has determined, I’ve been trained to implement a second strategy which is a 3-step process directed toward the individual or group:
“Stop it, that’s not how we speak within this family.” (This quickly and firmly signals that this is not how we speak within this organization)
“You’re better than that” (This nurturingly lets the person or group know how good they are or are capable of being)
“The next time, I’d like you to….(insert what you do want)” (This triggers the thought to what we do want, how we do want to speak, how we do want to behave)
Where might we learn that gossip is not a good thing to be doing? When I asked myself that question, I came up with 3 answers: 1. scripture, 2. house of worship, 3. within our family.
Once we learn any new idea, concept, trait or behavior that we’d like to make part of our normal behavior, here’s a repeatable process that’s easy to implement.
1. Understand the Current Reality (how you’re behaving now)
1. In this situation you are a person who either initiates or participates in gossip
2. Determine what the Ideal End Result is that you’re seeking.
1. In this case an Ideal End Result might be that you’d become a person who neither initiates gossip or participates in gossip of any kind, in any environment, at any time.
3. Write an affirmation (a present-tense statement of fact or belief) which you can repeat to yourself multiple times a day until you’ve assimilated this thought in the place of the old thought
1. Sample Affirmation (of what you do want): I keep my thoughts and language positive at all times and easily think and speak positively about other people at all times.
4. Find a time each day when you can read each of the present-tense written affirmations so that you can visualize yourself being this type of individual.
We’re not going to find the perfect church, gym or seminar because every organization and every place where people congregate is full of imperfect humans.
We create better families and organizations by displaying the levels of constructive talk and actions which we consider to be consistent with our levels of excellence.
As you continue your process of mental, physical and spiritual improvement on a daily basis, you’re contributing to the improvement in the quality and quality of every group to which you belong.
Waiting for perfection in the world will be a long, frustrating process. Coming to terms with the fact that imperfect people exist within every faith community and all groups of people, will allow you to flex your compassion and patience muscles.
Adding your imperfect presence to each of these imperfect groups creates unity. When we’re participating within any community, we can contribute toward the increase in its level of civility.
You make the world better a better place by showing up and contributing your own unique brand of love, compassion and patience.
