Forgiveness Knows No Faith

During our Christmas celebration on Friday evening, a friend told me that he liked one of last week’s blogs about forgiveness.  He asked me if I had really forgiven everyone in my life because he was having a hard time forgiving one particular person – and for a very good reason.

How long does it take to be ready, willing and able to forgive another person?

When my friend questioned my 100% forgiveness of others statement, part of my response to him reminded me that in some cases, it had taken me years from the time of the incident to even become ready to communicate with the individual. I knew as soon as I answered him that my forgiveness had taken way too long.

Did it need to take me years to be able to forgive or apologize?  No.

Forgiveness in its best form can be instantaneous.  The mind says, I think that I’ll forgive this person and the lips start moving, I forgive you.

Lots of people have written many great things on the topic of forgiveness. Below are a few of my favorite quotes on the topic along with a few comments and sample affirmations to use to assimilate the new mindsets:

Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten — Buddha

Buddha is challenging us to decide whether we’d prefer cherishing resentment or if we’d prefer to be resentment-free and cherish feelings of peace and serenity.  As with all the changes that we choose to make in ourselves, this one requires a mindset to be deleted and replaced with a new mind.    In this case, it’s the mind of Buddha.

Affirmation: I happily and easily forgive each person at the time of the incident and cherish my resentment-free mind.

Jesus is very clear about when and how often we’re supposed to forgive in Luke’s Gospel, “Take heed to yourselves; if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

It sounds like Jesus is letting us know that forgiveness should be ongoing and instantaneous. Can you imagine the same person offending you seven times in the same day?  Could you imagine forgiving that same person seven times?  That’s what he’s telling us to do. Can I do that?

Jesus’ words are always giving me a better vision of myself than how I am currently living.  Although the gap between where I am currently and where he’s calling me to be seems big at the time,  I am able to lessen and eventually close the gap with repetition of his words. Mentors always see a better picture of us than we see of ourselves. The key for us is to surround ourselves with the best mentors available – whether they’re still physically roaming the earth or not.

Affirmation: Forgiving the same individual multiple times for the same offense comes naturally to me because I am patient and understanding

Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion – Dalai Lama

Which type of hurt bothers you more?  Is it the feeling of having hurt another or the feeling of having been hurt by someone else?  For me, the feeling of thinking that I’ve hurt another person is much more painful.  Apologizing and receiving the gift of forgiveness from another person takes a tremendous burden off my mind and soul.  Because I know that feeling well, I want to be sure to give that same gift to others as soon and as frequently as possible.

It’s always possible to forgive.  Forgiveness is a choice.  We either choose to forgive or we choose to hold on to our anger and resentment. The more that you’ve been hurt by the other person, the larger the gift that you give them with your forgiveness.  Give large gifts to others.

Affirmation: I show kindness and compassion to others by graciously forgiving offenses whether large or small

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it – Confucius

A short and sweet message from Confucius. My mother has a great trait of having a very poor memory for bad things done by people. This is not a trait that was acquired later in life as a result of a fading memory. She’s always had the Confucius-like quality of not holding on to bad memories.  Either I received this gene from her of I’ve been able to develop the qualities of living in the present and forgetting the bad that happened in the past.

Affirmation: I am a master of remembering the kindness that is shown toward me and am equally good at forgetting offenses

If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless –Mahatma Gandhi

I really enjoy people who have the skill to deliver a message in a humorous fashion. We’re being encouraged this time by Gandhi to forgive rather than to get even. What a great trait this is.  It’s a choice to act in a God-like manner rather than in a malicious manner.  When we forgive, we’re sharing the gift of compassion and kindness with another person. We’re showing them that it’s possible to love and forgive rather than retaliate or harbor grudges.

Goodness, kindness and forgiveness are the result of an increase in our awareness. They’re the result of becoming aware through mentors like Gandhi, Jesus, Confucius, Buddha and the Dalai Lama that we have the potential to be more compassionate than we are today.

It’s an awareness that the peace and serenity that result from our forgiveness of others feels so much better than the painful repetition in our minds of how we’ve been wronged by another.

What good comes from holding on to our anger, hurt and resentment?  I can’t think of any.

What good comes from forgiving another person?  You feel better and the other person feels better.  A burden has been taken off your shoulders and your soul.  Your soul has become a little bit brighter as a result of the dark emotion being removed and replaced by love.

Because I believe Jesus’ words, I know that I will be forgiven for every offense if I’m truly sorry. That same belief allows me to forgive myself after I’ve been off-the-mark or off-my-game. If I expect to be forgiven quickly and if I want to forgive myself quickly, then it makes sense that I offer the same consideration to others – quickly.

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were –Cherie Carter-Scott