Funerals & Faith

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Wakes and funerals are a couple of activities that we don’t look forward to.  The thing that I like about them both is that they bring out the best in humanity.

Like at weddings, everyone gets specially groomed for funerals. We’re wear our best and often new clothing.  Everybody seems to be saying nice things about the deceased. There is little or no negativity.  We’re in a place of worship. Non-spiritual people focus on God for an hour or two.

Last Saturday, I interrupted my usual Saturday morning routine of paying bills, going to the bank and taking my wife to lunch in order to spend 150 minutes watching the funeral of Senator Ted Kennedy.  I made the right decision.

Here are a few of the memories that will stay with me for a long time.

I witnessed Bill Clinton singing hymns in a Catholic Church in Roxbury, MA while sitting beside Hillary. To say that Bill and Hillary have been through personal trials in their own very public political life would be a huge understatement. They were sitting there like any other humans paying their respects to a man who positively impacted many. Bill and Hillary are imperfect, just like Ted and the rest of us.

I saw Ted’s son Patrick crying at the loss of his Dad.  That sight brought me back to my own father’s funeral 13 years ago. When my Dad died, I declined to deliver a eulogy because I knew that I’d be crying uncontrollably if I had to speak about all of the wonderful traits that my Dad possessed and how he positively impacted each person who knew him.  He was not a Senator but, to this day when ever anyone mentions my Dad’s name, they smile.

I saw Jimmy Carter leaning in with his body seeming to pay attention to every word spoken as Fr. Mark Hession spoke about the consistency between Kennedy’s faith life, his values and his life of service. Knowing how much Carter does for the poor I was not surprised at how intent he was to listen to the good works of one of his peers.

Fr. Hession delivered a great homily quite easily because he knew Ted and his family.  He was able to speak about Ted’s love for his family, his faith and for all people.  He spoke about Ted’s lifelong commitment as a Senator looking our for the poor, the downtrodden and the neglected.  Ted cared about and was looking after the least among us. He lived his Christian values.

Music always seems to inspire me when at a funeral.  Ted’s funeral was no exception.  The organist played like a mad man at the beginning of the mass. He was fantastic.  Placido Domingo sang as if he were singing for God.  He was.  Yo Yo Ma and Susan Graham combined to deliver a moving version of Ave Maria. The Tanglewood Festival Choir performed a song that I didn’t know and delivered a great message of faith – “Let Nothing Ever Grieve Thee.”

When Ted, Jr. spoke about his Dad, I thought how wonderful it would be if each son in the world were able to speak so fondly about his father.  Here are some of Ted Jr.‘s words that most touched me. “Dad impacted lives.”  Speaking to each one of his Dad’s friends in the congregation he said  “I love you as much as he did!”  He said that his Dad was “not perfect but, he believed in redemption.”  He said that his Dad “ treated people with dignity and respect.” When thinking back to the possibility of sledding with his Dad shortly after he had his leg amputated when he was 12 years old, he recalled his Dad saying “I know you can do it.  There is nothing you can’t do.” When teaching his family how to like Republicans he recalled his Dad’s words  “They love the country as much as I do.”  His Dad taught him to honor differences. He taught him to “ be ready to compromise but, not on principles.”

When Ted’s son Patrick spoke, he talked about the attention that he received from his Dad when he was struggling with asthma as a child.  His headaches were so bad that his Dad would “put cold towels on his forehead” until the headache had subsided enough for him to go to sleep.  When on vacation, Patrick always needed a room that was smoke-free and hypoallergenic so he always ended up “getting the best room.”  Because it was the best room, his Dad used to spend lots of one-on-one time with him on vacations. He cherished the time that he spent alone with his Dad.

As Ted, Jr., his son Patrick  and President Obama delivered their eulogies, I wondered how well I had taught my own children the above lessons. Funerals always cause me to conduct a new assessment of myself and my priorities. I always leave funerals knowing that there is a lot of room for me to improve as a human.

Churches seem to be either full or much more crowded than on normal Saturdays and Sundays. The full church, the wonderful music, the scripture, the customized homilies always seem to bring out the best that faith and religion have to offer.